last nights rantings about some emotional confusion i've been going through:
when you lose something you can't ever get back there's always a certain amount of regret.
for the first time in a long time i feel like a girl.
a meaningless and seemingly trivial act can cause a downward spiral in any system, leading to what economists aptly refer to as depression.
when i can't be myself in a certain scenario it bothers me. i can't take too much of being made to act or think in a manner that is atypical of my norm. there's no good reason not to be yourself, especially not when persecution is absent in all forms.
thought and meditation often help me to identify the times that i'm acting strangely. it also often helps me to understand my feelings and figure out how to deal with them. in the rare situations where intense thought and meditation fail i find myself anxious, "off my rocker" so to speak. when even a third party perspective can't shed any light on a situation i'm dealing with i often concede defeat and admit that there's no way out.
usually when i'm cut off from help and absolution i let my situation go unsolved and take a hiatus of sorts from trying to be myself. i let my situation simmer, and redress it once my head is clear and i've had time to study it at length.
giving up is not something that i make a habit of doing, but sometimes it is necessary. i find that my greatest failures come from times when i give up. even in completing a task unsuccessfully i find a certain comfort in knowing that i've done something. it's only when i'm forced to surrender that i really feel failure.
i've never been good at making decisions. a clear head and time are required to solve any real dilemma. jumping in head first is never my course of action. unfortunately, this means that it's hard for me to make any real changes quickly. i tend to miss my window of opportunity, leaving me to only wonder what i could have done differently. i always tell myself that i won't get trapped in the same scenario twice, and if i ever am i'll right my wrongs. i just can't seem to listen to myself though. when i'm pressed for time i never act how i want to, and like i said, that just bothers me.
the fatal flaw of a dream is that you always wake up to reality, and the dream is lost forever.
[chips]
when you lose something you can't ever get back there's always a certain amount of regret.
for the first time in a long time i feel like a girl.
a meaningless and seemingly trivial act can cause a downward spiral in any system, leading to what economists aptly refer to as depression.
when i can't be myself in a certain scenario it bothers me. i can't take too much of being made to act or think in a manner that is atypical of my norm. there's no good reason not to be yourself, especially not when persecution is absent in all forms.
thought and meditation often help me to identify the times that i'm acting strangely. it also often helps me to understand my feelings and figure out how to deal with them. in the rare situations where intense thought and meditation fail i find myself anxious, "off my rocker" so to speak. when even a third party perspective can't shed any light on a situation i'm dealing with i often concede defeat and admit that there's no way out.
usually when i'm cut off from help and absolution i let my situation go unsolved and take a hiatus of sorts from trying to be myself. i let my situation simmer, and redress it once my head is clear and i've had time to study it at length.
giving up is not something that i make a habit of doing, but sometimes it is necessary. i find that my greatest failures come from times when i give up. even in completing a task unsuccessfully i find a certain comfort in knowing that i've done something. it's only when i'm forced to surrender that i really feel failure.
i've never been good at making decisions. a clear head and time are required to solve any real dilemma. jumping in head first is never my course of action. unfortunately, this means that it's hard for me to make any real changes quickly. i tend to miss my window of opportunity, leaving me to only wonder what i could have done differently. i always tell myself that i won't get trapped in the same scenario twice, and if i ever am i'll right my wrongs. i just can't seem to listen to myself though. when i'm pressed for time i never act how i want to, and like i said, that just bothers me.
the fatal flaw of a dream is that you always wake up to reality, and the dream is lost forever.
[chips]
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Missy didn't want to let me back into her car