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antipunk

The place where people die before they live

Member Since 2007

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Monday Dec 01, 2008

Dec 1, 2008
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Dear Diary,

Impress me less.

I think your cute in a cool kickin it way. Your always laughing having fun and your outrageous.
I like outrageous like I appreciate civil. How cool it is to be different.

I'm putting away the peacock's feathers. I'm taking up average appearance.
If people can't see me then I don't need to be seen. I keep getting out of place trying to appear great. But it's the wrong path...I observe and mimic poorly, my biggest pet peeve (When others escape being themselves and instead impersonate a cheaper version of someone else...)

I'm not very vocal, I'm not very strong, I can't be confined and I can't escape simplicity. I'm wise beyond my years because I live outside of time and space. Nothing is all I need, and imagination is no longer an exploitation for gratification (how many tions can I use haha?)

I'm reading about caring about others...I need to because I only cared about myself. This is a philosophy I have not tried and wrong or right are trite excuses for feeling important.

I'm afraid that we are afraid without problems life will mean nothing.

"I can't save you, I'm not your hero.
I can't love you, I'm not real.
I can't hold you, I'm afraid of life.
I can't live without dreams, I'll die."

I'm not violent I just pretended to be. I'm not happy I just enjoy laughing. I'm not tired I just love to sleep. I'm not strong I don't need to be. I can't keep from thinking without imagining death and wondering when and how. Will I want to? Will I fight it? Will I loose? Will it be unexpected? Will I survive it?

I am silent now. Brilliance is always in danger. The darkest creatures fear it and the strongest creates feed upon it. I can't be something I'm not. I can't pretend to be strong.

The truth? The truth is no one is strong. We are all afraid. We are all scared to death! We don't know what is real and we can't see the future. We thrive in a world unknown, a state of panic and futile attempts at control.

The truth is, we must be afraid, for this is the birth of courage. Fear will consume us, our body's will shake with quakes and then courage grips us. "You must not run!" it bellows "You must fight!" it empowers "You will slay fear!" and rage possess us. Whatever real challenge we face must bend to this mental battle we have fought. We cannot lose to fear, we are all afraid and we need our courage to live.

For worse, for better our union is inescapable.
We are etched into time and breathe together.
We love ourselves and are never born with hate.
The worse things are the better they can become.

I am nothing special but I don't need to be.
I don't need to be anyone or do anything.

I don't care much for thought and I'd like to dedicate my life to the pursuit of it.
Well I'm smiling now and if you had a face you'd be smiling too.

Thanks for listening I'll see you next time

Love,
freedom

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