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antipunk

The place where people die before they live

Member Since 2007

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Friday Aug 15, 2008

Aug 15, 2008
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This blood runs thin, but its mine to spill so what the hell.

Stop saying this! Stop talking that!

...I must admit I'm fucking insane...

An emotional rollercoaster as the hospitals say...

"I'D DIE FOR MY BELIEFS!!!" hours later I might just want to die...

Give me relief or Give me Death both mean the exact same thing depending on the moment you ask me.

The absolute truth is some days I'm more scared of dying than living and on some days no amount of misery can stop me, nothing can kill me...bi-polar is what I have been classified as...but I don't really care.

I won't take drugs, I won't believe the billion dollar pharmaceuticals know whats best for me when the government backs them blindly while people are dying daily..."oops another mistake RECALL RECALL SETTLLEMENT!"

"Drugs are bad mmmk" especially if you've taken as many as I have

From street to counters I've huffed, puffed, snorted, shot, swallowed all I can take. This mind is fragile now... okay?

I can't justify dependency to profitability when my concerns are to be drug free... "just take this pill and you'll be fine my doctor says..." "Oh really because the last time I took a pill I was somebody else and thats not FINE, okay!?"

Its miserable I admit to wish for death one minute and refuse it at any and all cost the next but its how I must live. The universe created me this way and this is the way I feel like me...I don't like being a zombie it makes me feel okay with 9 to 5 without aspirations for my dreams...that is not okay, OKAY?!

I enjoy the good days and survive the bad ones but its not right to swallow away the misery and replace it with apathy...its just as sick you see.

WHAT MAKES ME WEAK MAKES ME STRONG! each day I learn to survive the depression my emotions rise that much higher...maybe for those who face life and death unless they swallow are suited for medication but I'm "normal" without it...

I scream, I growl, I taunt and befoul but in the end when I control the beast my rage ends in peace.

I sympathize with you pill poppers, acid droppers, shoe shoppers and self myrtars. We live and then we die but my time will not be spent wondering why I am not dreaming, why I am not feeling or why I am not seeing.

I will bleed, I will cry, I will torment until the day I die, but I will not swallow, I will not shoot, I will not huff, and will not puff. My relationship with self destruction is over and I pray each day, literally, for peace and separation from it.

We all live, we all die. My choice, your choice is not mine. We learn and we decide each individual has there rights. But I will not swallow, I will not shoot, I will not huff, I will not puff because I, and I speak just for me, have had more than enough.

Sincere wishes for your pain, people will help if you desire to abstain.
sonja:
thanks for the super nice comment. actually im not talking to him at all anymore, thats the best smile
Aug 15, 2008
givememedicine:
No amount of supposed "craziness" will ever subdue my love for you. I think you're very brave and I admire the leaps of progress you have made. And I look foreword to the many more. I believe in you and support you through whatever you do hence forth because I know your capabilities and your beauty. Keep striding my love, and show everyone what you're capable of.

yours truly,
Turbo.
miao!!
Aug 16, 2008

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