antipunk

I've been having this uneasy feeling in my stomach about my life lately. This feeling that I'm lying to myself to "fit in".

I keep thinking, I just need to keep pretending. If I just do that then I will be happy with a nice car, a nice girl and a nice home...Maybe if I work 70 hours a week at a stressful job the money will make up for the misery...That getting paid means relaxing and being "free" if only a moment. That this trade of my time for these nice things is a fair and acceptable deal for me...

Seems silly, what the fuck am I doing with my life? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I doing what everyone else is telling me?!?!?

I'm not happy, I'm miserable, but I'm making a lot of money so... I'll stay unhappy??? This is acceptable in society, to sacrifice a happy life for a successful and miserable one.
"C'mon c'mon do your job and move along!"
Its doesn't make sense...but I continue to do what I do because my mind goes numb and I just do it. Its why I lie to myself for the fun of it.

Tell me how to act, tell me what to feel, I'll think suggestions, but never admit I'm real.
This body is your flesh to choose a fate for. Why destine it for rotting misery?

Or maybe all this uneasy feeling is from being too drugged up and hungry...seeing as drugs are the only way to "buy happiness". I figured the market stocks we're pretty solid in the "Instant Gratification Industry"

I was only investing...