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antipunk

The place where people die before they live

Member Since 2007

Followers 44 Following 45

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Sunday Jun 17, 2007

Jun 17, 2007
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I am just a lone wolf, hunting & searching. It doesn't matter, none of it really matters. I find that the purpose and meaning I painstakingly established day after day, shatters to the will of my own destruction. Constant change, I am never satisfied with chaos or order. They both have there times and places and both must serve. It is only through this process of constant destruction that I have progressed. Shattering my former self and rebuilding with only the strongest pieces left after the destruction. I can never stay the same; stagnation has no purpose or meaning. It simply is as good and as bad as it gets. There is never anything to look forward to, there is never any goal to be accomplished there is simply acceptance.

Nothing should ever be accepted, everything must be challenged! Everything must stay in motion!
All things are in a constant race against time, ever running forward away as time constantly moves engulfing everything that cannot escape. Should you fall, become too weak or stop you are devoured and your fate is sealed in history books. I run forward only because I know what waits behind me and my curiosity compels me.

I am drowning in madness, struggling constantly for air. However, after each breath of sanity I take I realize again that I had no reason to struggle, that I should have just continued into the abyss. That there is nothing for me on the surface and that sane thoughts are equally as worthless as insane thoughts.

I am a fatalist struggling to be a nihilist. Removing all purpose and meaning from everything, my slate is clean. Like an abstract artist I flail, fling and scribble upon the canvass of life to put creation into it, but never with the intention of meaning or purpose.

So I take and I give, playing god has become my favorite game. Creating balance & creating disorder. I know that only one thing is inevitable, change. I am still bound by my human flesh and my human thoughts, so I fight the hardest against myself.

With the wisdom I have gained I have learned that ultimately "truth" has no value. This however also means nothing.
apathy:
dont panic
Jun 19, 2007

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