I had a conversation with my best friend, Natalie today that essentially ruined my day. A little background-I'm getting married June 28, which Natalie is a part of, as a bridesmaid. My fiancee, Peter, and I have been discussing the possibility of an open relationship (damn liberal SFSU 
).
So, previously, Nat's opinion on all this had been "whatever makes you happy, it's not something I would do, I'll just have to live vicariously through you." And so we're chatting today on AIM, and she brings up the whole open marriage thing. She starts by mentioning that if her fiancee, our best man, knew about Peter and I's discussions, he couldn't support it, and probably wouldn't be our best man. She tells me how she will always be there for me, blah, blah, but when she's standing up there next to me, she wants to know exactly what she's participating in, and asks me "don't you think your mom has a right to know?" Which just floored me. I love my mom dearly, and we are awfully close, but especially since this open relationship thing is tied in so closely with my bisexuality and I'm still trying to establish my identity, it's not something I feel comfortable talking to her about right now. And I honestly don't think she has a "right" to know. Last I checked, I was an adult who didn't need to run all decisions, especially those regarding relationships, by my mom. The only person who really has a "right" to know is Peter, and he does. And this discussion went on for some time.
Essentially the message I got was that I don't deserve to get married if I'm not gonna do it "right." (I'm not sure exactly who I should emulate on what exactly the "right" way to do a marriage is, but whatever.) I was really hurt and insulted, mostly. I felt like I was being attacked by my best friend, someone who should always be there to support me, especially in a way stressful time like this. I'm not asking her to agree with all of my lifestyle choices, but if I'm happy and I'm not hurting anyone, than as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be a problem.
My roommate's theory is that Natalie is unhappy in her relationship (which is very likely, according to what I hear) and ran the open relationship idea by her fiancee, and got shot down hard, and so now she's jealous. I like that theory. Makes me feel a little bit better.
So, really, I'm probably blowing this way out of perportion, and PMSing and all that, but whatever. I was hurt, and, like, bummed all day. Should you, for some strange reason, be terribly into my little drama, you can read the whole relevant convo at http://www.standarddeviant.org/nat.rtf Names have been changed to protect those who aren't me.
).
So, previously, Nat's opinion on all this had been "whatever makes you happy, it's not something I would do, I'll just have to live vicariously through you." And so we're chatting today on AIM, and she brings up the whole open marriage thing. She starts by mentioning that if her fiancee, our best man, knew about Peter and I's discussions, he couldn't support it, and probably wouldn't be our best man. She tells me how she will always be there for me, blah, blah, but when she's standing up there next to me, she wants to know exactly what she's participating in, and asks me "don't you think your mom has a right to know?" Which just floored me. I love my mom dearly, and we are awfully close, but especially since this open relationship thing is tied in so closely with my bisexuality and I'm still trying to establish my identity, it's not something I feel comfortable talking to her about right now. And I honestly don't think she has a "right" to know. Last I checked, I was an adult who didn't need to run all decisions, especially those regarding relationships, by my mom. The only person who really has a "right" to know is Peter, and he does. And this discussion went on for some time.
Essentially the message I got was that I don't deserve to get married if I'm not gonna do it "right." (I'm not sure exactly who I should emulate on what exactly the "right" way to do a marriage is, but whatever.) I was really hurt and insulted, mostly. I felt like I was being attacked by my best friend, someone who should always be there to support me, especially in a way stressful time like this. I'm not asking her to agree with all of my lifestyle choices, but if I'm happy and I'm not hurting anyone, than as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be a problem.
My roommate's theory is that Natalie is unhappy in her relationship (which is very likely, according to what I hear) and ran the open relationship idea by her fiancee, and got shot down hard, and so now she's jealous. I like that theory. Makes me feel a little bit better.
So, really, I'm probably blowing this way out of perportion, and PMSing and all that, but whatever. I was hurt, and, like, bummed all day. Should you, for some strange reason, be terribly into my little drama, you can read the whole relevant convo at http://www.standarddeviant.org/nat.rtf Names have been changed to protect those who aren't me.
grrlhavoc:
You are in the right here...it is your life and your relationship....not your mothers....