antipode3141592

I remember there was a time when I used to be happy. At least, I think that I used to be. Perhaps I'm just making those memories up to make me feel better; if I was happy in the past, then maybe there's hope for the future. At any rate, these last few years have been a fall into darkness... every now and again I'll be "happy" for a week or so, but that's always followed by at least two weeks of being down... and it's not always for any sort of rational reason. I'm just sick and tired of these ups and downs... nothing that I do, my music, my art, my poetry, nothing at all, helps me. I just wish that I could stay happy... there's always something to drag me down. So this afternoon, I'm going to go to OU's Hudson Health center and make an appointment for a psychological examination or something. I can only hope that all of this is just a chemical imbalance that can be fixed with medication, and not a helpless flaw in my soul...