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antipode3141592

Portland, OR

Member Since 2002

Followers 19 Following 58

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Thursday Sep 04, 2003

Sep 3, 2003
0
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these scars i cannot hide
so deep within my skin
still don't care what you did
i love you and all the pain

why can't i let go
find a way to carry on
forget these memories
and see through
your lies, your masks
your cruel deceptions

i must be strong
to rid myself
of the poison you are to me

spent so long trapped
in this sweet atrophy
all that i was
long leeched away

transformed, transmogrified
by this pain you gave to me
what remains is this
anger that's seething through me...



This is a portion of a new song that I am writing. I have all sorts of ideas, but not enough time to get them all put together. so much stupid, needless frustrations in my life... I never really understood the concept of loving and hating the same person until recently. My mother and I are having a sort of falling apart. I'm not the son that she wanted, and she's being a total bi-polar bitch about the whole thing. I wish I could understand her... I wish she could understand me. I guess I'm a hopeless dreamer that wants too many unrealistic things.
On the upside, I'm going to be going to a kick ass party the 19th at the Pink House to celebrate mistressmissy's birthday. And plus, I move back to Athens here in about three days. I want so much to leave. And recently, I've taken up running, which is a rather appropriate metaphor for my life...

More Blogs

  • 07.28.05
    7

    Friday Jul 29, 2005

    i was running. i had so much to say, but you were always just ahead …
  • 07.24.05
    2

    Sunday Jul 24, 2005

    went home for the weekend to relax with the family. i just needed to…
  • 07.11.05
    5

    Monday Jul 11, 2005

    here's an ideea. i am really bored, and i'm going to start doing art…
  • 07.10.05
    0

    Sunday Jul 10, 2005

    random note, i got my labret pierced about a week ago. hopefully whe…
  • 07.07.05
    4

    Thursday Jul 07, 2005

    happy birthday to me..... : (
  • 07.06.05
    1

    Wednesday Jul 06, 2005

    i feel so empty. i don't even know what i want to do anymore. not t…
  • 06.09.05
    2

    Thursday Jun 09, 2005

    "dream" can't you see the way i cannot look at you knowing i can …
  • 06.06.05
    1

    Monday Jun 06, 2005

    resigned to wait and dream of days without regret of happiness that…
  • 06.01.05
    1

    Thursday Jun 02, 2005

    "sometimes i think i'm happy here sometimes yeah, i still pretend i…
  • 06.01.05
    0

    Wednesday Jun 01, 2005

    fuck. i think my new medication is doing a lot more harm than good. …

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