antipaladin

I hit one of my funks recently. The "Fuck, I hate my life, I have nothing going for me, no future, I'm lonely, probably going to die cold and alone" hardcore ones, made worse by the fact that, being stuck living on a ship, I can't even get away from all the ignorant fucks bringing me down. Can't go out and get trashed, drown my sorrows, and wake up with a massive hangover because we have a new alcohol policy in place.

Then I remembered what I used to do about - walk. Throw on some headphones and just start walking in a random direction. Last night I ended up at a vista point overlooking the ocean, far from the noise and people, but close enough to see the lights twinkling. Bottle of cheap wine in one hand, Cuban cigar in the other, I proceeded to sit and just be alone for a couple hours. Listened to the waves, the wind, the bats (apparently there's a large colony nearby) and put the Weakerthans on loop. Woke up today feeling massively improved.

Spent the day at support site and bought a bicycle. As soon as I put on some shorts and kicked off the curb I remembered why I love cycling so much - the solitude. Just me and the road. Ended up missing my train home because I was out exploring and had to take the later one. By the time I finished getting back to the pier I was practically jumping for joy at how good I felt.

I think I've found a way to keep myself happy for a long time to come.