antimony

um.

so my uncle killed himself.

he shot himself next to the river he was baptized in.

i'm not sad. i'm upset because it's weird and messed up and strange saying was and had instead of is and has. suddenly everything is past tense.

i'm glad to put him in the past though. he's done a lot of fucked up things to my family recently, and him being gone does make things easier for everyone. it's just really weird that a person that was there is gone now. i keep wondering what will happen to his kids. i keep wondering what went through his head when he did it. he was never a smart man. for most of the time that i can remember, he wasn't a bad man. he was just unintelligent, and made stupid decisions. doing what he did to my family was one of those decisions.

i'm not really mad at him anymore, at least. it's over now.