anticus

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My impulsiveness has led me into another potentially destructive relationship - professional, this time. I feel incredibly foolish, but that's not news. This month has been a buffet of humiliation I've served myself in gluttonous portions. I feel so helpless, which if you know me, is the absolute worst. Knowing that I brought it on myself is embarrassing -- and I'm not easily embarrassed.

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The identity rediscovery didn't happen. Still stuck. I am faced with the fact that I have a self-esteem issue. That seems so strange. I had no idea. I thought I was fairly confident, but there's no other explanation for why I get into these situations.

I am told that my life is going to significantly change within the next 4 weeks, but I find it difficult to get excited about it.

I don't believe words anymore. This isn't because of a recent event, but it is a fairly sudden realization. I think it's the reason I've been feeling so odd lately -- numb. I just no longer put any faith in the things people tell me -- only events. It's disturbing that I am shocked when someone calls when they say they're going to.

And I've been really emotional lately - sentimental. So, if you don't want to hear that I love you and shit - stay away.