anticus

I feel I have taken a tremendous step backwards.

She called again yesterday and I spoke to her again - for about an hour. She wondered if there is any hope we would get back together.

I told her that IF she ever got her life together and was capable of being honest and faithful - then I would listen to her. No promises - just that I would hear her out. She said she is completely able to and wants to.

I got sucked in. I gave her an unlocked door.

She asked me to meet her for coffee when she returns from this weekend away - to meet one of her current guys. I told her I didn't think she could possibly change her fucking life in a week while screwing some other man.

I didn't sleep at all last night - the anger consumed me. Anger at her and at myself.

Deep down I really wanted to give her another chance. Truthfully, I doubt I can deal with the damage and trust again - as much as I want to.

I finally made myself crystal clear to her - I did not want to ever hear from her unless she was 100% into it.

Now I'm afraid she'll call -- and afraid she won't.

But more afraid she will.

I hate that I was so weak. I'm ashamed.