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antennatoheaven

Sierra Leone

Member Since 2004

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Wednesday Jun 01, 2005

May 31, 2005
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Nothing has been happening, which is a mixed blessing.

No job equals no money. Thus, no money to say, buy new pants, or shorts. I feel absolutely low asking my mom to buy me shit so I abandoned that long ago. Since I've been back though, she's been slipping me 20s once a week behind my sister's back. Lindsey would totally flip if she found out. She can be a total bitch sometimes. I guess sisters are like that.

My buddy Chris has my old Gibson in exchange for his Xbox. Not to worry, it's only for a limited time since I am in desperate need of money I'm actually going through with plans to sell the six stringer sometime this summer. Preferrably sooner than later. If anyone is interested, or knows of one who is interested, lemme know.

I've been feeling pretty worthless lately. I attribute it all to me rolling out of bed in the afternoon, falling asleep after 3 am and doing nothing in the meantime. I hate filling out applications, they almost prove to be a gigantic waste of time. Two summers of FedEx will get you nowhere fast. "It's not what you know, it's who you know." Truer words were never spoken-- my neighbor across the street knows the Montana-franchise owner of Applebees and Famous Dave's BBQ and is looking into hooking me up with a job. I'm really hoping he can swindle me employment, cause if I have to fill out another meaningless application, I'm going to vomit on my shoes. puke

Of course, nothing going on in the girl department. This past weekend, Jake and Craig picked me up for a delightful Saturday. Long story short, we met some newly graduated from high school girls (Mike, you'd call these "sportfucks") in their lowcut shirts, mini-mini-skirts, legs, and too much makeup. Well, we were desperate and exchanged numbers. Way later that night, they called but only two showed up to this house party. Basically it was me drinking Coke, talking to this drunk girl who went to my high school and remembered me, while Jake got pished playing beer-pong and tried putting his moves on one of the said girls. He didn't get any play, unless you count the 14 bucks he dropped on buying them booze which they didn't drink. Oops!

I emailed Millie again when I got back to Billings and to my suprise, she replied. I called her a few days later, we conversed, it was fine. KC is pretty skeptical about it all. He said he'd be disappointed if we were to hook up. I doubt anything like that would happen, but I don't think I'd turn it down if she wanted to progress further than "friends" territory. Anyhow...right before the night with Craig and Jake started, she called out of the blue. Unfortunately, I was obligated to the fellas, but I had fun that night nonetheless.

I wonder if she and I could ever be friends on the same level we were in high school before I did the whole "I like you, a lot" speech. Personally, I think we established firm roots for friendship because after a long time apart from each other, we kind of rekindled that fire last fall. We had both gone through recent break ups and misery loves company. What was strange was how quickly we just jumped right back into those long conversations, completely opening up to one another. I told her about my heartbreak in foggy detail. She told me hers in vivid detail. Then, all of a sudden, we just stopped making contact. Spring semester passed without a word from her.

What it basically all boils down to is that I want her back in my life, as a friend or maybe even more, whatever the cards hold. She was such a cool ass person. Like I told KC not too long ago, I'll always hold a special place in my heart for her, regardless of what happens.

I finally got to watch "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" tonight! Sometimes I just smile throughout the entirety of the program. This one guy, John B., was getting his makeover and whatnot while simulataneously setting up his marriage proposal to his girlfriend. She was completely gorgeous-- perhaps it was her being part-Armenian and thusly dark hair and darker complection (my weakness).

Ugh. Every Thug Needs a Lady <-- thank you Alkaline Trio for quite possibly the worst song title evar!

The wheels of this journal just came off.
xmilitaryxmikex:
I can't believe I can't sleep right now. I went to bed at 1:30am and my eyes slammed open 3 hours later. eeek

I wouldn't bother trying to rekindle old flames--it doesn't work out ever in the long run. The way I see it (and the way it really is) is that if you don't have her now, you'll never have her again. Even if you do get her back in some way, it'll never be fully or the same as before. Take for example, my Meghan the Flakey issue. No matter what I have a lot of distrust for her and I'd refuse to let her any closer than that sporatic casual meeting--and she fucking knows it. But oh well, fuck her...

Yeah, obviously, I'm glad that it wasn't me, but I'm just so in shock about it all that I don't know if I should feel angry or sad. I'm so hurt by this happening. Her cheating on her boyfriend and leaving him for me is one thing, but this is like she lied to both of us. She knew how I felt about her and she obviously knows how her boyfriend feels, but to let in some random dick is incorrigible. But yeah, if she'd do it to her boyfriend, she'd could have possibly done it to me. She knows for a fact that I would have went bezerk, because I've told her before that I don't fuck around. Especially getting cheated on and especially in a fight. The bottom line is that she lied to us both. What's worse is that a lot people know about this happening, but I think only her sister knows anything about me and her. Fucked up, eh?
May 31, 2005

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