My mind has been racing a lot lately, I keep think about the past present and future, I keep think about what Im going to do with my life and if my major is right for me. I mean Im almost done with it, I have less than a year left, and its a great degree to fall back on with an amazing pay, I have like three internships lined up and Im in high demand. But I dont know if I have the mental state for it, I dont know if I can keep work at work and not bring it home with me.
My mind is tuff, but is it tuff enough?
My professors respect me, and I respect them too, they tell me I have what it takes to go far. But I guess its just self doubt right now.
Anyways Im sitting here alone by myself, I feel really alone, and super isolated, I dont know what to do and fatigue is starting to set in.
Nothing is ever what it seems and I feel like another face in the crowed. I feel like doing something spontaneous, but yet my mind tells me no. I have classes and college to worry about, I hate this college. I feel like Im in a prison, I feel like a mindless zombie walking from class to class every day with other mindless individuals. I dont feel challenged, I dont feel sane. Apart from being a full time student, I also have a dead end full time retail job, its not the best of jobs, but its how I stay here and how I pay for my bills, food, gas, and of course my nicotine.
But I also want to leave this city; I feel like an outcast, I feel different from everyone else. Its so cruel here, so much negativity, so much stagnation, so much pressure.
Im thinking about possibly moving back to New Orleans, I was just down there recently again visiting family and didnt want to leave again. Lol.
I want to move back, the people are so much nicer, well most of them, and I feel more at ease. I was only visiting for a week and got offered several more jobs, one related to my major and then two kinda random jobs. I got offered a bartending job in New Orleans, and also to be a deck hand. Both pretty fun jobs with somewhat nice pay. I was offered to be a possible weekend deck hand and make a pretty awesome sum for only three days work, and then a bar tending job at one or both bars my mothers fiancs sisters bar, haha. Yeah you guys know how everyone is family down south, haha. Anyways she really took a liking to me and thought I was an awesome kid haha, and told me if I ever wanted to work at one or both of her bars to give her a call. Hell doesnt sound like a bad idea, bartending weeknights and be a deck hand on the weekends. Not a bad idea if I say so myself, but hell guess this degree comes first.
Anyways wow umm I dont know where I was going with that, but on the other hand, I guess Im just thinking and letting my mind wonder.
Things other than that have been also tugging at my mind, hell the girl, family, friends, college, and the job have all been colliding lately into a huge spiral. I dont know what to do sometimes and everyone looks toward me for the answer, sometimes I know what to do, and other times I dont. but people still look towards me for guidance and I just dont know all the answers, hell if I did I sure as fuck wouldnt be where I am today. Sometimes I wish that I could be invisible and other times I want all eyes on me. I want to just I dont know yet haha.
In other news I might get a gig as being my colleges photographer, like just going around campus in my free time and taking pics of the school, classes, and social functions.
The marketing for the school really sucks as cause its usually just marketing staff running around with their little point and shoot digital cameras and what not, thought I could possibly bring some real recognition to my college and help it out a little while also getting some experience under my belt. Hopefully it will all work out.
Other than that, nothing else is really that new
I didnt get to go to Philly tonight so yeah I kinda figured that but ohwell, shit happens, anyway tomorrow is the CCSG monthly meet so Im kinda excited about that, still bummed out that the beach party had to be cancelled, ohwell hopefully next year.
Anyways umm, nothing else really to report, I guess I just felt like rambling haha
If you got this far congrats haha.
How have you guys and gals been? Anything new exciting to report? Or anything plaguing your minds lately?
My mind is tuff, but is it tuff enough?
My professors respect me, and I respect them too, they tell me I have what it takes to go far. But I guess its just self doubt right now.
Anyways Im sitting here alone by myself, I feel really alone, and super isolated, I dont know what to do and fatigue is starting to set in.
Nothing is ever what it seems and I feel like another face in the crowed. I feel like doing something spontaneous, but yet my mind tells me no. I have classes and college to worry about, I hate this college. I feel like Im in a prison, I feel like a mindless zombie walking from class to class every day with other mindless individuals. I dont feel challenged, I dont feel sane. Apart from being a full time student, I also have a dead end full time retail job, its not the best of jobs, but its how I stay here and how I pay for my bills, food, gas, and of course my nicotine.
But I also want to leave this city; I feel like an outcast, I feel different from everyone else. Its so cruel here, so much negativity, so much stagnation, so much pressure.
Im thinking about possibly moving back to New Orleans, I was just down there recently again visiting family and didnt want to leave again. Lol.
I want to move back, the people are so much nicer, well most of them, and I feel more at ease. I was only visiting for a week and got offered several more jobs, one related to my major and then two kinda random jobs. I got offered a bartending job in New Orleans, and also to be a deck hand. Both pretty fun jobs with somewhat nice pay. I was offered to be a possible weekend deck hand and make a pretty awesome sum for only three days work, and then a bar tending job at one or both bars my mothers fiancs sisters bar, haha. Yeah you guys know how everyone is family down south, haha. Anyways she really took a liking to me and thought I was an awesome kid haha, and told me if I ever wanted to work at one or both of her bars to give her a call. Hell doesnt sound like a bad idea, bartending weeknights and be a deck hand on the weekends. Not a bad idea if I say so myself, but hell guess this degree comes first.
Anyways wow umm I dont know where I was going with that, but on the other hand, I guess Im just thinking and letting my mind wonder.
Things other than that have been also tugging at my mind, hell the girl, family, friends, college, and the job have all been colliding lately into a huge spiral. I dont know what to do sometimes and everyone looks toward me for the answer, sometimes I know what to do, and other times I dont. but people still look towards me for guidance and I just dont know all the answers, hell if I did I sure as fuck wouldnt be where I am today. Sometimes I wish that I could be invisible and other times I want all eyes on me. I want to just I dont know yet haha.
In other news I might get a gig as being my colleges photographer, like just going around campus in my free time and taking pics of the school, classes, and social functions.
The marketing for the school really sucks as cause its usually just marketing staff running around with their little point and shoot digital cameras and what not, thought I could possibly bring some real recognition to my college and help it out a little while also getting some experience under my belt. Hopefully it will all work out.
Other than that, nothing else is really that new
I didnt get to go to Philly tonight so yeah I kinda figured that but ohwell, shit happens, anyway tomorrow is the CCSG monthly meet so Im kinda excited about that, still bummed out that the beach party had to be cancelled, ohwell hopefully next year.
Anyways umm, nothing else really to report, I guess I just felt like rambling haha
If you got this far congrats haha.
How have you guys and gals been? Anything new exciting to report? Or anything plaguing your minds lately?
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
adric:
I can't believe it either. I'm actually a little bummed there aren't really any detailed case studies in this text. They do talk about toilet and bathtub births and how to tell if the child was born alive (by water in the stomach or lungs, or what the lungs look like, of the alveoli are open or still unformed from not having taken a breath yet) or if it was a still birth. I guess if it was more of a law text it would have more detailed stories but it's really only medical so it just explains what stuff looks like and how to interpret the medical signs of death. It's very cool 
adric:
Medicolegal Investigation of Death by Spitz and Fisher