anotherallniter

Well Ive decided that this life in which we live in is based upon our own decisions and actions and the only people we can blame in the end is ourselves. I still dont understand the things we do, or why we do them. I still dont understand where unhappiness comes from and why depression stalks the human race like a plague. I still dont understand our ways and our habits. I dont understand why we put ourselves into situations that we do not favor and situations that seem to have no future or escape. I find myself in one of those situations in my life right now. I have found out that this may not be the path I want to walk down. I not sure if this is for me. I dont know where I want to be in the future, but I have so many thoughts of where I dont want to be. I dont want to be miserable, I fear disappointment and failure. I fear that I may never be good enough. And most of all I fear regret. I dont want to regret anything in my life, but I dont want to hold back. I want to follow my dreams and I want to take the risks. But I also want a fall back. I want my education, but I think I should take some time off my so called career. And find myself, try new things. And above all follow my dreams. I guess if I horribly fail, I will have my education to back me up? But I dont want to think of it as a failure; I want it to be an experience. Something I do for me, and something in my life I wont regret, Ill be able to say I tried and I gave it a shot. I guess what Im getting at is that Im going to start rethinking my life and what I want to do with it. And I want to be able say that I tried.