Practicing sobriety and celibacy, does make things interesting. I started this way of purity if that is what you want to call it, not because of any religious or spiritual reasons and not because I felt my life has reached some kind of self-induced implosion. I just felt I needed to easy up on a few things, and look at it from a distant view.

For the sobriety, naturally I felt the need to calibrate regaining my freedom from enduring 4 years of hell, but indulging yourself in euphoria cant last forever, in fact it literally ran into a wall. Id realized that every time I have ever really ended up in a really bad situation has been when Im drunk. Almost every fight, argument, and the majority of the times Ive been in handcuffs, Ive been drinking. So I came to the conclusion of sobriety, for at least the rest of the year. Which will be pretty easy, doing to recent events I really fucking hate alcohol right now.

For the celibacy, its not that Im some kind of sex fined and slept with millions of women hell I can count all the women Ive slept with on one handwell ok maybe two, but thats not the point. The point is that I have never felt satisfied afterwards, during sex lots of satisfaction (most of the time), but afterwards nothing. Sex its not what I really want its just what Im craving at times. All my past relationships have been pretty much based off of sex, and the only reason that I was in the relationships is so that I could look myself and think that I have some kind of morals because she is my girlfriend. But the truth is, she is just someone I get along with who I happen to be fucking. Well I guess anyone can say that if theyre in a relationship with someone they dont love. So Im taking sex out of the picture all together, and Im going to see if I can find myself a relationship based off something else. What? well thats pretty fucking obvious, but Im a MAN and men dont admit those things. On the bright side at least I wont have to worry about getting laid. Now finding girls in my age group that arent bible thumpers, who are will to put sex a side for the time beinghighly unlikely. So either Im going to become some kind of monk, or Im going to eventually give up. Truthfully I think Im going to fail this one.