Missy Elliot has the keys to my city. I don't know why that amuses me, but it does. And my mom spotted her while she was taking care of the family business on the beach. She said she was there with two whores. She didn't know who they were, but she used the word "whore." I like it when my mom swears. Last year, Bouncy and her Slackjawed Assface ate at our restaurant, and so did Kanye West and an entourage of a million. And it was awesome.
I'm actually pretty excited for this VMA weekend. Yes, I haven't intentionally watched anything on MTV in about 7 years. And yes, I fell asleep about halfway through the VMAs because I got a little hammered the night before at a party sponsored by Belvedere vodka (and also, I was genuinely bored), but I got to touch Wayne Coyne's rubber hamster ball. That was pretty neat. And this year, my PR friends are plus-one-ing me into the best parties with the best free swag. I intend to get thousands of dollars of free stuff by the time Sunday rolls around.
So, I won't be around much this weekend. Viva and I are staying at a pal's Miami Beach apartment for the rest of the week. Yes, we live only a 20 minute drive away from the Beach. But, you know, it'll wind up being an 80 minute drive because of the media/celebrity influx. Assholes.
Oh, yes, best part about the VMAs? Noted pedophile and watersports enthusias R. Kelly! I can't wait to see a live performance of his magnum opus Trapped in the Closet. If I run into him, I will tell him I am 14 and will let him pee on me. Okay, not really. He's a sick, sick person with the intelligence of a third grader. But... TRAPPED! does rock, in that so-retarded-it's-awesome way. The reverb is so... stupid. But I love it.
OH MY GOD, IT WAS A RUBBER (rubber, rubber, rubber...)
I hope I see R. I will pee on him.
I'm actually pretty excited for this VMA weekend. Yes, I haven't intentionally watched anything on MTV in about 7 years. And yes, I fell asleep about halfway through the VMAs because I got a little hammered the night before at a party sponsored by Belvedere vodka (and also, I was genuinely bored), but I got to touch Wayne Coyne's rubber hamster ball. That was pretty neat. And this year, my PR friends are plus-one-ing me into the best parties with the best free swag. I intend to get thousands of dollars of free stuff by the time Sunday rolls around.
So, I won't be around much this weekend. Viva and I are staying at a pal's Miami Beach apartment for the rest of the week. Yes, we live only a 20 minute drive away from the Beach. But, you know, it'll wind up being an 80 minute drive because of the media/celebrity influx. Assholes.
Oh, yes, best part about the VMAs? Noted pedophile and watersports enthusias R. Kelly! I can't wait to see a live performance of his magnum opus Trapped in the Closet. If I run into him, I will tell him I am 14 and will let him pee on me. Okay, not really. He's a sick, sick person with the intelligence of a third grader. But... TRAPPED! does rock, in that so-retarded-it's-awesome way. The reverb is so... stupid. But I love it.
OH MY GOD, IT WAS A RUBBER (rubber, rubber, rubber...)
I hope I see R. I will pee on him.
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