anonymouse

Oh god. I've been AWOL recently, huh? Yeah. Blame the Winter Music Conference. Yesterday, at Ultra Music Fest, I saw Tommy Lee and Boy George smoking together. I also saw Tara Reid vomit! It was fun. Oh, and The Rapture were awesome, but I think they use the "word" "conversatin'" in one of their songs. I should start shopping around this screenplay that has yet to be written: Dr. Grammar Nazi, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the American Dialect. And Perry Farrell is ugly-hot in person. Like Crispin Glover, though not as hot as Crispin. I always have a boner (metaphorically, of course) for ugly-hot boys. Ugly-hot girls, too: I love Miss Sandra Bernhard and Illeana Douglas.

Yes, so I was up all night and all day last night, and I slept for a few hours because I took some Ambien, and now I'm back up and twitchy because of all of the No-Doz I took. And TONIGHT. Tonight.

Does anyone have a cloning machine I can borrow? I'm serious! This is why they started cloning kittens and sheep! How else am I supposed to be in two places at once?? It's like that episode of Saved by the Bell where Zack had two dates on one night, only I don't want Screech to pretend to be me because Dustin Diamond is really ugly, and I would like to actually see a couple of the performances at the other party, and... I'm FREAKING OUT, y'all! Get Lex Luthor on the phone! I need a clone, stat! And he can't call my clone Kon-El, 'cause that's a dumb name.

I want to go to this party:

9:00PM-7:00AM Bandages
SoHo Lounge - 175 NE 36th St, Miami

Talent: Live Band performances by Har Mar Superstar, Kill Hanna, Formula One, The Unicorns, White Light Motorcade, Output, Vic Thrill, DJ sets by Junior Sanchez, Larry Tee, The Glass, DJ Sneak, DJs Are Not Rockstars (Princess Superstar & Alexander Technique), DJ Language, Mr Len, Armand Van Helden, BoyJazz, Laidback Luke, and more TBC!

But my friend Mr. Glasses' boyfriend is going to perform at a different party that is ALSO tonight because the Winter Music Conference people hate me:

10:00PM-5:00AM Swamp Thing
I/O Lounge - 30 NE 14th St Miami

Talent-live: Soft Pink Truth (Matmos, Soundslike), Airborn Audio (aka Anti-Pop Consortium), Richard Devine (Schematic/Warp), Phoenecia (Schematic), Otto Von Schirach (Schematic/Beta Bodega/Addict), Dabrye (Ghostly International), Doormouse (Addict/Planet-Mu), Styrofoam (Morr), Jimmy Edgar (Warp, M3rck), Matt Dear (Ghostly Int./Minus/Perlon), Hearts of Darknesses (Schematic/Zod), Subjex (Somia, Planet-Mu), Secret Frequency Crew (Schematic/Counterflow), Finesse+Runway (Schematic) Less live: Salim Rafiq (Fuel), Aura (Schematic/Warp), Ectomorph (Interdimensional Transmissions), Karakter and Nova, plus secret special guests, shhhhh!
Presented by: Schematic Music Company

Well, I like Anti-Pop Consortium, and I like Matmos, and I like my friend Dr. Glasses, and I'm happy for him and his boyfriend who he is so smitten with and all, but... I want to go to the other party! Besides, the last time I went to a Schematic party, Vincent Gallo was there, and Vincent Gallo is just grody and nasty and... assholey. No, seriously. Check out this auction. It's at $86,000, and the reserve still isn't met? GEE, I WONDER... COULD IT BE VINCENT GALLO HIMSELF BEHIND THIS AUCTION? LET'S LOOK AT THE DESCRIPTION: "Gallo put more effort into this production package than the whiny Wes Anderson, the sputtering Spike Jonze, the un-darling Darren Aronofsky have put into their whole lives." What an egotistic little asshat.

Anyhoodle, I think I should be able to duck in and out of both since I/O and Soho are both in the Design District, and this could work... Right? I just looked it up at Mapquest. The clubs are less than two miles apart. It's a six minute drive, y'all. I can do this shit. If I have to park illegally, I will. GODDAMN. No, I said, GODDAMN. This is going to be fun.

I'm skipping my geology class tomorrow morning.