anonymouse

When I was a little girl, I used to have these crazy dreams. I would dream about rollerskating with Jem and horseback riding with She-Ra. Cartoons were my BEST FRIENDS. (Melissa Bobo was also a best friend, but we mostly argued over who would get to marry whom when we grew up. We eventually settled somewhere around 1989. She got to marry CC DeVille, and I got to marry Nikki Sixx. Obviously, that didn't happen since Nikki is married to some stupid BITCH from Baywatch. Fucker.) Anyhoodle, this story has a point. Last night I had ANOTHER dream, but it was a grown up dream. Eddie Izzard and I went out for manis and pedis at Elemis Spa, and THEN we went to the Barney Co-op on South Beach and bought really tight pants. It was a good dream, and there was also buttsex involved because I really want it in the butt lately. We also made out, but I think the best part of the dream was the part where Eddie bought me those sexy pink Dior pumps. Better yet, they were on sale for $90! And that's when I knew it was a dream. Those shoes are $500 and not a penny less. He also bought me a pair of those red bondage shoes from the "Latest Blonde" collection. I don't get that. Everything in that collection is very Aeon Flux and S & M. I'm not making it up, go here here and see for yourself. Of course, I can't see a good part of the screen since the site is optimized for 1024 x 768 screen. Bastards. Anyhoodle. Why isn't the "Latest Blonde" one called the "Hardcore"? Well, the Hardcore collection is also pretty slutty. It looks like some stern task mistress would wear those shoes. Or Eddie, maybe. When I need a spanking.

Fact: Three boys, all of WHOM are gorgeous, have put on a cam show for me. I'm only sleeping with one of them. The other two live far, far away. I'm in a slutty mood lately.

Oh god. The Blowfly XXX-Mas show was so awesome. There were strippers everywhere, and Andre Williams played by favorite songs, and I might have made out with Blowfly's guitarist. He said he liked my radio show. I got to go to the show for free because I gave away tickets on my show, so Tom Bowker put me on the guest list. It was his bachelor party, and I didn't have to pay $12 to see veritable icons play some of the best music EVER.

And I'm not cheating on my boyfriend by making out with other boys. We both agreed to take it slow, and we're not exclusive. BUT, if we want to go out and do something, we have to drop our plans for each other. Unless those plans involve finals. Goddamn. I hate finals. Thank the little baby jesus it's over on Thursday. Ugh. And Camera Boy, my boyfriend, is busy editing his movie. I saw a rough cut of it. It's an awesome movie with an awesome topic. It's about hookers who ply their trade out of Cuban sandwich shops. This isn't something he made up. This is a HUGE problem in Miami. You can't get roast pork on medianoche bread without getting propositioned.

I'm hungry now. I'm going to make myself a sandwich.

Postscript: I am typing up an outline for my zoology final because that's how I study. Whenever I type the word "jaws," I add an extraneous "a" (and I actually did type out "jawas" just now). And then I start talking like a jawa in that secret jawa language. Those are my favorite alien dwarfs. They're way cooler than ALF. Put those fuckers in a phone company commercial, and THEN maybe I'll use your service. Or, you know, you could also put President Palmer in that commercial, but his plot this season on "24" is rather boring and is making me tired and sleepy. Bring back Sherri, she's cool.