Warning: Melancholy Post
I've purged my friends list. If you're gone, it's because you didn't have a journal or rarely posted in mine. You'll heal.
24 hours since my last cigarette. On purpose. I'm going ballistic. My nerves are frayed and I want to claw my own skin off. Hopefully I can make it to that supposed 3 day mark when the physical cravings are supposed to go away, then the 21 day mark when non-smoking becomes a habit. I hope so, because it makes me want to cry.
Still no job. Why is it so hard? I'm your jack-of-all-trades good-at-anything kind of gal. I have experience and skills, but no messages on my answering machine. Seriously low on cash.
I also can't sleep. I don't get to bed until around 4-5am then up at around 1pm, which is not good when looking for work. I find that in order to get me out of my natural circadian rhythm (your body's natural clock of being awake/asleep which is different for everyone - mine being a night owl) and into the circadian rhythm of normal people (day/awake - night/asleep) I have to have something to get up for. I have to have an appointment or plans or an interview. I can't make the plan myself. It has to be made for me. God I hate my weak-willed mind. How hard should it really be to get my ass out of bed, you ask? Well, I'd like to see you try to wake me up...
I'm also in a depressive bout right now. I have clinical depression and it hits me sometimes without warning and won't leave for months. I have been on 8 different medications before and refuse to take any more. I'll just have to see it through if I can. Yeah, it's probably not the best time to quit smoking right now or feel unwanted by the lack of job prospects. Things are so not going my way.
I'll make it. I have to. I have no other choice.
I've purged my friends list. If you're gone, it's because you didn't have a journal or rarely posted in mine. You'll heal.
24 hours since my last cigarette. On purpose. I'm going ballistic. My nerves are frayed and I want to claw my own skin off. Hopefully I can make it to that supposed 3 day mark when the physical cravings are supposed to go away, then the 21 day mark when non-smoking becomes a habit. I hope so, because it makes me want to cry.
Still no job. Why is it so hard? I'm your jack-of-all-trades good-at-anything kind of gal. I have experience and skills, but no messages on my answering machine. Seriously low on cash.
I also can't sleep. I don't get to bed until around 4-5am then up at around 1pm, which is not good when looking for work. I find that in order to get me out of my natural circadian rhythm (your body's natural clock of being awake/asleep which is different for everyone - mine being a night owl) and into the circadian rhythm of normal people (day/awake - night/asleep) I have to have something to get up for. I have to have an appointment or plans or an interview. I can't make the plan myself. It has to be made for me. God I hate my weak-willed mind. How hard should it really be to get my ass out of bed, you ask? Well, I'd like to see you try to wake me up...
I'm also in a depressive bout right now. I have clinical depression and it hits me sometimes without warning and won't leave for months. I have been on 8 different medications before and refuse to take any more. I'll just have to see it through if I can. Yeah, it's probably not the best time to quit smoking right now or feel unwanted by the lack of job prospects. Things are so not going my way.
I'll make it. I have to. I have no other choice.
VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
I hope that returning to your old job doesn't bring you to down. Just remember that it won't last and you need the money.
Good Luck babe, and wish me luck too.
I'm just bitter.... and running out of sanity...