anonym

I'm feeling really melancholic right now.

Could be the lack of sleep. This site keeps me up past my bedtime. I'm scouring the boards and groups and profiles trying to find people like me, but then they all seem too cool for me. Weird, I know. I have troubles making friends. Being the town reject to some extent makes you fear it everywhere else sometimes.

Could be how badly I feel for Lucy right now, going throught the grief of her grandmother's death. Or my friend Billy, whose stepfather just died. Their pain brings back the pain of my own father's long and painful death all over again. It's still too fresh. I wish I could just drive to Toronto and hug her, even though I have only known her a short while and we haven't had enough time to share much. And well, Billy deals with things in his own private way. I wouldn't dare interfere with that.

Could be that daily I'm reminded of how much I do not fit in to the scheme of things in my hometown, and how my life doesn't seem to be moving forward. I'd like a career instead of just a job. A home instead of a hometown that I'm stuck in.

I know.
I'm being a whiny git.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to bed.