anomaly11

im feeling so much better today. the boy fixed up my room and its looks very homey now which means i can happily nest away up here like a crane when i dont feel like dealing with the people our world outside. s finally moved out, unclear if its permanent, shes been so unhappy and frustrated, i hope she finds a nice new home and job not too far away so she can stay in my 'family'. mi is on vacation in europe, im jealous as the boy and i discussed going to europe this summer but at this point we cant afford it by a long shot. my bruises and scratches are almost healed, i wish my heart would mend so fast. so i am the only woman at the studio, and i dont feel like being here at all for a few days. ive been avoiding dave especially, i just feel like im the only one that has any problems so i should just keep myself out of the way. ben hasnt written back, which doesnt really surprise me. i think more sex and less attachment could cure what ails me, but im like a barnacle, blindly sucking on to any seemingly appropriate host. i miss jay. hes been sending me the sweetest drunken emails, its nice to know that he loves me consistently and admiringly, even though, or perhaps really because, he is so far away. i want to roll around in the dirt with the trees laughing down at me, submerge myself in foam and lick myself for the salt. yay! mi left us her car, maybe i can run away into nature.

its wenley's birthday today, we're all supposed to go out to dinner. im kind of dreading it, which is terrible, because shes so wonderful, and she should have a fabulous birthday surrounded by people who arent so petty and self involved that they dont want to be there because its too hard for them to see her without getting very hurt and sad. but i guess its her bad luck, cuz she has me. hopefully everyone else will distract her. silly me, silly love, silly life. oi.