Now that I am back in Los Angeles, it's time to reacquaint myself with what I left. First off, I need to address certain relationships. One sticks out more than the others, so I address this here.
I did a Google search on "silent treatment" and found a few interesting sites. First is this from http://elyntromey.com/therapyblog/?p=78:
"The silent treatment is a manipulative tool often used by the more passive partner in the relationship, usually as a form of punishment for something that the more assertive partner is supposed to puzzle out. This way, the more passive one takes no risk while their partner squirms and tries to please them, figure out the mystery, pull them out of their shell, grovel, apologize, etc. It is a very hostile maneuver, and a classic in the relationship dynamic I call underwatering/overwatering ."
Despite attempts otherwise, I've fallen into this trap. Right now I am contemplating whether I should try harder to repair things or if I should move on.
"If you are being given the silent treatment, you are being punished for something, but you are not actually being told what that something is and how you can make up for it."
Yep.
"The first step is to notice how you are feeling in the moment- do you feel pulled out of yourself, trying to read your partners mind? Are you angry? Apologetic? Scared? Notice just how much you feel hooked into trying to work out this puzzle. It is not your job to read your partners mind. It is not your job to fix something for someone who isnt using their words. Give yourself permission to stop trying. Take the focus off of your partners puzzle, and bring attention to your own feelings."
I am saddened by the silent treatment (ST), but I understand it's a coping mechanism. Not everyone has the skills needed to deal with especially upsetting situations.
"Next, you can let your partner know that you care, and can see that something has upset them. Invite them to tell you what has upset them, and let them know that unless they tell you, there is nothing you can do for them- they may not be talking to you, but their ears are working just fine. Then, let it go as best you can."
I will give it a little more time before I do this. Then I will attempt to resolve things.
"Every time you notice yourself trying to read their mind and fix the situation, remind yourself that it is not your job to figure this out, and let yourself off the hook. When you refuse to play games, the games tend to fall apart pretty quickly."
I am not playing the game. I attempted contact a few times, but have gotten zero response. I don't know if I should trust people who toss me aside rather than actively work out issues. A downfall I have is that I am much to willing to take all the blame in things. This sets me up for abusive relationships. There are no victims, only volunteers, they say.
So for now I will continue with life.
I did a Google search on "silent treatment" and found a few interesting sites. First is this from http://elyntromey.com/therapyblog/?p=78:
"The silent treatment is a manipulative tool often used by the more passive partner in the relationship, usually as a form of punishment for something that the more assertive partner is supposed to puzzle out. This way, the more passive one takes no risk while their partner squirms and tries to please them, figure out the mystery, pull them out of their shell, grovel, apologize, etc. It is a very hostile maneuver, and a classic in the relationship dynamic I call underwatering/overwatering ."
Despite attempts otherwise, I've fallen into this trap. Right now I am contemplating whether I should try harder to repair things or if I should move on.
"If you are being given the silent treatment, you are being punished for something, but you are not actually being told what that something is and how you can make up for it."
Yep.
"The first step is to notice how you are feeling in the moment- do you feel pulled out of yourself, trying to read your partners mind? Are you angry? Apologetic? Scared? Notice just how much you feel hooked into trying to work out this puzzle. It is not your job to read your partners mind. It is not your job to fix something for someone who isnt using their words. Give yourself permission to stop trying. Take the focus off of your partners puzzle, and bring attention to your own feelings."
I am saddened by the silent treatment (ST), but I understand it's a coping mechanism. Not everyone has the skills needed to deal with especially upsetting situations.
"Next, you can let your partner know that you care, and can see that something has upset them. Invite them to tell you what has upset them, and let them know that unless they tell you, there is nothing you can do for them- they may not be talking to you, but their ears are working just fine. Then, let it go as best you can."
I will give it a little more time before I do this. Then I will attempt to resolve things.
"Every time you notice yourself trying to read their mind and fix the situation, remind yourself that it is not your job to figure this out, and let yourself off the hook. When you refuse to play games, the games tend to fall apart pretty quickly."
I am not playing the game. I attempted contact a few times, but have gotten zero response. I don't know if I should trust people who toss me aside rather than actively work out issues. A downfall I have is that I am much to willing to take all the blame in things. This sets me up for abusive relationships. There are no victims, only volunteers, they say.
So for now I will continue with life.