it has been the wonderful relaxing weekend that i have been hoping for, especially because:
1. the parents were here for a total of only 6 hours on thursday. and it was great to see them actually. i think back to how i felt about them last year, how i was clinging to gibran to stay afloat and tethered to my own identity. but now i feel much more comfortably myself around them. there are still plenty of things i do not tell them, but it is more from a place of maintaining privacy then it is from being afraid of their judgment. it feels good. and we went out for a yummy thanksgiving dinner, and then home for movies and pumpkin cream pie. they left at 4:00 on thursday, and i have been essentially alone since.
2. i have not had to have any conversation i did not want to have. the only person i have really talked to is j., which is no effort at all. otherwise i have been quiet and contemplative. this is the first opportunity i have had for deeper thought in about 8 weeks. rejuvenating.
so i have been spending my time reading the first "dark tower' book, watching whatever movies are on cable (shawshank redemption, priscilla queen of the desert, house of mirth, the iron giant) and casually preparing for the coming week. i have a meeting with a foundation for a grant for the arts group on thursday, and on tuesday i am going to my undergrad school to teach a workshop on stage management.
there has been some minor anxiety bubbling to the surface, mostly in the form of dreams. of course my dreams are much more clear when i get 10 hours of sleep instead of 6. it is fairly clear what fear is coming through in the dreams, and it is interesting that they are surfacing now in an otherwise very relaxing couple of days. i'm ok with my subconscious working things out in this way.
1. the parents were here for a total of only 6 hours on thursday. and it was great to see them actually. i think back to how i felt about them last year, how i was clinging to gibran to stay afloat and tethered to my own identity. but now i feel much more comfortably myself around them. there are still plenty of things i do not tell them, but it is more from a place of maintaining privacy then it is from being afraid of their judgment. it feels good. and we went out for a yummy thanksgiving dinner, and then home for movies and pumpkin cream pie. they left at 4:00 on thursday, and i have been essentially alone since.
2. i have not had to have any conversation i did not want to have. the only person i have really talked to is j., which is no effort at all. otherwise i have been quiet and contemplative. this is the first opportunity i have had for deeper thought in about 8 weeks. rejuvenating.
so i have been spending my time reading the first "dark tower' book, watching whatever movies are on cable (shawshank redemption, priscilla queen of the desert, house of mirth, the iron giant) and casually preparing for the coming week. i have a meeting with a foundation for a grant for the arts group on thursday, and on tuesday i am going to my undergrad school to teach a workshop on stage management.
there has been some minor anxiety bubbling to the surface, mostly in the form of dreams. of course my dreams are much more clear when i get 10 hours of sleep instead of 6. it is fairly clear what fear is coming through in the dreams, and it is interesting that they are surfacing now in an otherwise very relaxing couple of days. i'm ok with my subconscious working things out in this way.
meaney:
this is a test. this is only a pregnancy test.