annajoy

it kind of worked to get drunk last night,...

we ended up renting a great movie though: "but i'm a cheerleader". a sweet little gay romantic comedy. really funny. and it made me feel like i did when i watched stuff like 'say anything' in junior high. that longing for connection and intimacy with another person. the yearning for understanding and sexual expression.

when i was around 11 years old i was dumb enough to read shit like 'sweet valley high' in addition to all the sci fi and fantasy i was reading. these books are manipulative and evil. for example, i thought that if i was not a 'perfect size six' then i could never be pretty or popular. and the girls in the books were always eager to be honest and open with their feelings, and the guy always had gruff exteriors and hearts of gold. suffice it to say that it had a lasting warping effect on my perception of life and relationships when i was a teenager.

anyway, don't know where i was going with that. thinking about the emotions the movie produced in me last night i suppose. and how i would never want to go back to being a teenager, except for the feeling that i had all the time in the world to grow up and figure out what i wanted and be happy.