anna

i just updated like 10 minutes ago. and im doing it again. try and stop me. i dare you.
i found a few poems that erin wrote. shes amazing. without a doubt my most favorite person in this world. shes really the only person who makes me feel like im worth anything. and thats a good feeling.
im starting to think its possible that i wont ever find someone. i just dont understand.... i thought i am supposed to be 'in my prime' or something. i dont even get hit on. or looked at. and i swear to god, everytime i am even slightly interested in a boy, i somehow become a sounding board for him to talk about the girl he wants. and my stomach sinks and i feel dizzy and i want to cry and i think 'i am so fucking alone.' i just want to know what is wrong with me, so i can fix it. im tired of shoving myself in other peoples' faces, begging them to find something good in me, or to tell me im pretty or smart or worthy of something good. jesus fuck what is wrong with me




the drowning

I parked at the gas station tonight
and smoked a cigarette down to its filter.
Then I watched a moth fly into a puddle of oil
and swim the surface over to the ledge.
It fluttered there for awhile and then slowly died,
drowning in all of the poison
And then I cried for the moth and the life that it lost,
but I was crying more for myself I believe,
and the way that you make me feel

I bought a bottle of your favorite soda,
but they didn't sell it cold,
so I had to get yours warm.
It must have burned your throat when you swallowed.
I wish I could have gotten you better.
You always make me wonder
what I could have done better.

-erin rachelle