anna

i have a terrible driving habit. i cannot resist the urge to stare into oncoming headlights. it began as a way to spot police cruisers from great distances (when i was young and foolish and often possessing and/or under the influence of illegal substances). now, it is some sort of game to see how quickly i can identify vehicle type and model through headlight identification. i get some strange satisfaction from it, shortly before realizing that it really hurt my eyes quite a bit, and that i am temporarily blind. not that it would stop me from allowing the next cars high beams to burn themselves into my retinas. there are some interesting parallels going on here.

i wonder how many sentences one can start with 'i' in a paragraph before it is just considered bad form. another bad habit of mine. along with sentence fragments, apparently. shit.

sometimes i feel completely conversationally retarded. the presence of certain persons brings about a total inability to form words. intelligent words, that is. i suppose that is a fairly average thing, though. ive also noticed that i have somehow developed a studder. i will try to say a word three or four times before the entire word actually comes out. no idea where this thing came from. its probably because my mother never loved me.

(thats not true, my mother loves me dearly)
(i also really like using parenthesis. it feels like im whispering.)

i had a dream last nite that my forehead was cut open. a nice, neat vertical cut from hairline to eyebrow. i could push my fingers into it and feel my skull. i didnt seem to be concerned with the pain or with the obvious severity of the situation, but i was absolutely terrified that someone was going to notice.

i have been listening to, and enjoying:

the unicorns/islands
bob wills and his texas playboys ( i have a weakness for yodeling. its true.)
cannibal ox (bizarre)
sufjan. over and over and over
oh, and i did find my joanna newsom cd, though the wallet never turned up. it was lying on the floor of tonys apartment. the case was broken, but the cd itself was clean and pure and perfect. i dont believe ive ever taken such good care of any possession in my life.
the wallet really is such a shame, though. it was purchased several years ago at jcrew, and cost far more than a poor 16 year old should probably pay for a wallet. it was so beautiful. it even came with a little pamphlet, so you knew how it was made with sweet love by beautiful irish women who dyed the leather in some sort of magical way and made every little stitch by hand. i think sometimes the irish women made out, too. i dont know. thats what the pamphlet said.

here is something i just learned: unicorns can only be tamed by virgins. interesting, yet completely useless.

eleven days until boston. i miss him terribly.

made a trip to toledo this weekend to see some lovely people, and finally shot with dan again. its been quite a while. in celebration, id like to present some highlights from previous shoots. the final four are digital from this past weekend. i cant wait to see the film.

this is on my desktop. it makes me giggle, though im not exactly sure why.




to those of you who have sent me emails and messages: i will reply, and i will explain, i promise.

i have no idea why i typed all of this. i am in an odd mood and my eyes hurt. im going to go masturbate and fall asleep, for i stayed up far later than i had planned.