anguz

Okay, so I had a massive fight with my best mate, and now we are not talking. The thing is, I am really not as upset as I probably should be. Basically, long story short, we had a date, I didn't fancy her because she is a big lass (shallow I know but you can't force the worm to stir) and we ended up best mates, only i never told her exactly why I didn't fancy her. She's one of the most awesome people I know, and I should hate myself right now and be contemplating my sad and lonely life without her. She found out, and it hurt her horribly, which is not a big surprise.

One thing became clear to me while we were mates. Its was never friendship for her. She was just settling but I know she was in love with me. I know that sounds like I am really into myself but anyone who knows me will know that this is not true, not even close. We started arguing last night because I wouldn't get involved with her as more than mates and when she asked me about it being her size I paused. Bloody stupid I know, but I did and she just knew and all hell broke loose. We talked for a long time and she said how I had broken her heart and really hurt her more than anyone could have. This is how I know we were never just friends for her.

It's weird. I should have felt bad but when I woke this morning I just felt like this huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally relax. I am starting to really learn who I am and in doing so I have started to have more self-respect and stop settling for the women I can get as opposed to the ones I wanna be with. We may never speak again and it probably shouldn't be but that is okay as far as I am concerned. It feels like I have just split with a girlfriend rather than just ended a friendship and that tells me all I think I need to know about the way things were with me and her. It was a really liberating moment.