angrymeat

Ugg lets see I wont bore you with the dtails of the deception but lets jsut say someone I thought was a friends fucked me over and I am beat up by it. I am so tire d of these types of people I tend to find some sort of backwards comfort in being around. I tend to spend more time hanging out with the people Who I want to be nothing like and who bring nothing to the table than I do my true friends who know me well. I somehow get caugt up in a lifestyle that I in no way want and somewhat pitty them for having however I go back for more . Freinds are people who you know and who know you and would be there to help you up if you needed without hesitation. Of course this is a very very very small part of what a friend is. I do this every so often where I reevaluate who my real friends are and who I have around because in some way they make me feel better about myself. I was reminded all of this buy the events of the last few days where so called friends showed their true stripes and true friends stepped up to the plate. It is amazing the simple little gestures that show you who is really your friend and who is not . for instance when you are blowing up mad at someone and venting like mad they let you get it out and donot tell you how wrong they think you are. Another thing is as simple as making an effort to help you out of your situation no matter how small l and not looking for a way to exploit you in the situation. this month is total hell . Amanda wrecked her car by no fault of hers the insurance company is low balling us on settlement which leaves us little to no money to get her a car right before christmas . I have had two job interview this month one with a huge company I would love to work with that interview howeve rI will know nothing about for at least 2 more weeks and even then why would they want me. The other they wanted me but couldnt afford me. so here I am still at the job I hate stressed to the max over money the root of all evil I may add. I have to find a car for next to nothing that will not leave my family stranded on the side of the road in winter. I have to find a way to pay all the bills and still make it through christmas. my stress levels are through the roof spent most of the day in a dAZE OF ANGER AND FRUSTRATION oN THE VERGE OF TEARS OR A SCREAMING MANIC ANGRY FIT. oh crap hit the caps key oh well the punctuation sux and no one will have read this far anyways. I laid in bed tonight screaming at the top of my lungs into a piloow it felt really good though which i thought was funny. It is amazing however no matter how bad of a mood I am in my son can cheer me up . I was laying on the couch all sunken into self loathing and such my son runs in in his batman costume yeling im fatman daddy im fatman . He looks at me tilts his head and gets a little perplecxed look on his face walks up to me rubs my head gives me a kis and says I like you daddy im your freind. It amazes me that a 2 year old can so directly hit the nail on the head when so many 20 and 30 somethings fail to see it. The most important thing in life is family every thing I do everything I am is for them at least I have this going right for me right now.