Thanks for all the well wishes
Let me start today by elaborating on a couple story lines I left wide open the other night:
I mentioned that I am still wrapping up my break up situation. The girl I've been talking about fortunately had a very quick turnover after breaking it off with her guy. He found an apartment within the week and he moved out while she was out of town for the weekend. It's sounding like I have 1 more day until my ex is out of here for good. She got the keys to her new apartment on Monday, but she's been really dragging her feet about moving all her stuff. I'm trying to remain patient, but I must say I'm frustrated about it. You might cringe from hearing this, but my ex and I have been living together for 6 months since we broke it off. Perhaps now you can sympathize with my hopes to be over and done with this move as quickly as possible. It's been a long stretch of unpredictable outbursts of hostility, passive aggression, depression, and shamefully, sexual relapse as we shared our 1 bedroom apartment.
Why choose to live in those conditions altogether? The answer points back to the reason she moved in to begin with a year and a half ago. She had been living in southern Louisiana, where she and I met in college. Since we started dating in 2007 I had gotten to a point where I was ready to escape the monotany of Baton Rouge. I had the grand scheme of moving out of state and getting a place for both of us. Due to the timing of lease agreements there was a 3 month period when it made sense to float through at my parents' house while my ex finished up her degree program and wrapped up her obligations in Louisiana. After all that, we would ride off into the sunset together...
That didn't happen. She decided she did not want to move away from her friends and family. What was a very temporarily long distant relationship had become one indefinitely. That obviously shook the foundations of our relationship, and the inevitable break up occurred over what ended up being a year living in different states. She saw other people. I indended to see other people, although I can't say I never lifted a finger to that goal. The living with parents thing is not sexy. She and I remained close friends through all this. At one point I visited her while she was seeing someone. That stirred up old emotions. She decided she didn't like her new guy so much, and we got back together. That was a rather short lived affair, as the stress of long distances reappeared in no time.
You may be wondering why I didn't just move back to Louisiana. It's a fair question, and upon reflection I think I was resentful about the abandonment of our initial plan to move somewhere together. That's obviously not the end of the story, however. We'll fast forward to me moving to Portland to start culinary school. Sure there were plenty of culinary schools where I was living, but it was time to get far away from all the stale feelings of the failed relationship, not to mention the guest bedroom at my parents' house. My ex and I kept talking. She's still seeing other people, I'm finally giving it a shot now that I have my own place again. It's not too clear how things turned around, but she and I began getting closer again through phone conversations. She popped up for a visit, again while seeing someone although this time they were only in the flirtation/courtship phase of the relationship. We have a great time together while she's visiting. She voices a conflict about who she likes more, me or this dude she's seeing. Fine, fine... I tell her to do what she feels is right for her, and apperantly the other guy was just as supportive. Wouldn't you know it, she decides she doesn't like him so much. So begins long distance relationship round 3, and as you can probably guess the same frustrations come about. We argue, we make up (all on the phone, mind you). We redefine the relationship a few times... "exclusive... open... hiatus.. etc." Eventually we are not dating again.
Then comes what I believe to be the beginnings of our ultimate fall out. Not only is she willing to give it another shot, but this time she's ready to move in. Red flags all in mind, I state my concern about all the trouble we've had keeping it together in the past. Living together forces us to live in an incredibly uncomfortable environment if things go south. She replies quite maturely with an understanding that if things don't work out, then they don't work out and she'll get her own place. What I now see was a major gamble and ultimately the big folly was our intention to virtually pick things up where we left off in the relationship when we were both in Baton Rouge. I think we both expected to both feel and act like the people we were over 4 years ago. We jumped in with both feet based on what we remembered, and not what we are. Things did not go as planned, as you know. I grew weary of everything. The slightest things she would do began to annoy me, and my interest in the relationship waned. Come time to renew or terminate the lease agreement at the time, and I say perhaps it's a good idea to find different places.
As we approach today we are at the end of a second lease term living together. She was unable to secure a place to stay before we had to be out of the old place. My overwhelming guilt over the situation forced me to invite her to stay with me for a second lease. She had, after all, moved across the country to be with me. She knew no one else in the area. The situation I put her in still troubles me today, but I must remember our long history is hardly enough to continue a relationship. If I'm checked out of the relationship, it's not fair to pretend I'm still in it, for either of us.
That story ended up being longer than I intended. I'd say it's pretty thorough, so that's good. It does mean I'll have to update on what's going on with my new romantic interest at another time, however. Sorry for boring you with such a long tangent.
Until next time
Let me start today by elaborating on a couple story lines I left wide open the other night:
I mentioned that I am still wrapping up my break up situation. The girl I've been talking about fortunately had a very quick turnover after breaking it off with her guy. He found an apartment within the week and he moved out while she was out of town for the weekend. It's sounding like I have 1 more day until my ex is out of here for good. She got the keys to her new apartment on Monday, but she's been really dragging her feet about moving all her stuff. I'm trying to remain patient, but I must say I'm frustrated about it. You might cringe from hearing this, but my ex and I have been living together for 6 months since we broke it off. Perhaps now you can sympathize with my hopes to be over and done with this move as quickly as possible. It's been a long stretch of unpredictable outbursts of hostility, passive aggression, depression, and shamefully, sexual relapse as we shared our 1 bedroom apartment.
Why choose to live in those conditions altogether? The answer points back to the reason she moved in to begin with a year and a half ago. She had been living in southern Louisiana, where she and I met in college. Since we started dating in 2007 I had gotten to a point where I was ready to escape the monotany of Baton Rouge. I had the grand scheme of moving out of state and getting a place for both of us. Due to the timing of lease agreements there was a 3 month period when it made sense to float through at my parents' house while my ex finished up her degree program and wrapped up her obligations in Louisiana. After all that, we would ride off into the sunset together...
That didn't happen. She decided she did not want to move away from her friends and family. What was a very temporarily long distant relationship had become one indefinitely. That obviously shook the foundations of our relationship, and the inevitable break up occurred over what ended up being a year living in different states. She saw other people. I indended to see other people, although I can't say I never lifted a finger to that goal. The living with parents thing is not sexy. She and I remained close friends through all this. At one point I visited her while she was seeing someone. That stirred up old emotions. She decided she didn't like her new guy so much, and we got back together. That was a rather short lived affair, as the stress of long distances reappeared in no time.
You may be wondering why I didn't just move back to Louisiana. It's a fair question, and upon reflection I think I was resentful about the abandonment of our initial plan to move somewhere together. That's obviously not the end of the story, however. We'll fast forward to me moving to Portland to start culinary school. Sure there were plenty of culinary schools where I was living, but it was time to get far away from all the stale feelings of the failed relationship, not to mention the guest bedroom at my parents' house. My ex and I kept talking. She's still seeing other people, I'm finally giving it a shot now that I have my own place again. It's not too clear how things turned around, but she and I began getting closer again through phone conversations. She popped up for a visit, again while seeing someone although this time they were only in the flirtation/courtship phase of the relationship. We have a great time together while she's visiting. She voices a conflict about who she likes more, me or this dude she's seeing. Fine, fine... I tell her to do what she feels is right for her, and apperantly the other guy was just as supportive. Wouldn't you know it, she decides she doesn't like him so much. So begins long distance relationship round 3, and as you can probably guess the same frustrations come about. We argue, we make up (all on the phone, mind you). We redefine the relationship a few times... "exclusive... open... hiatus.. etc." Eventually we are not dating again.
Then comes what I believe to be the beginnings of our ultimate fall out. Not only is she willing to give it another shot, but this time she's ready to move in. Red flags all in mind, I state my concern about all the trouble we've had keeping it together in the past. Living together forces us to live in an incredibly uncomfortable environment if things go south. She replies quite maturely with an understanding that if things don't work out, then they don't work out and she'll get her own place. What I now see was a major gamble and ultimately the big folly was our intention to virtually pick things up where we left off in the relationship when we were both in Baton Rouge. I think we both expected to both feel and act like the people we were over 4 years ago. We jumped in with both feet based on what we remembered, and not what we are. Things did not go as planned, as you know. I grew weary of everything. The slightest things she would do began to annoy me, and my interest in the relationship waned. Come time to renew or terminate the lease agreement at the time, and I say perhaps it's a good idea to find different places.
As we approach today we are at the end of a second lease term living together. She was unable to secure a place to stay before we had to be out of the old place. My overwhelming guilt over the situation forced me to invite her to stay with me for a second lease. She had, after all, moved across the country to be with me. She knew no one else in the area. The situation I put her in still troubles me today, but I must remember our long history is hardly enough to continue a relationship. If I'm checked out of the relationship, it's not fair to pretend I'm still in it, for either of us.
That story ended up being longer than I intended. I'd say it's pretty thorough, so that's good. It does mean I'll have to update on what's going on with my new romantic interest at another time, however. Sorry for boring you with such a long tangent.
Until next time