angicated

i've been frustrated in finding a person who has a genuine adoration of knowledge, an obsession with the beautiful details of life, an insatiable curiousity, and a real selfless attitude.
someone who looks at me with true respect and adoration for the person i AM, NOW; and not a damn thing rose-colored.

i'm a warm, accepting, feels-familiar personality; few realize that my heart is under 6 feet of ice, accessible only by a person i can trust and respect in every way.

i display myself first as sensual to the online world; this is not accident nor is it compulsive. it is a conscious device to weed out losers.
slobbering cyber-adoration? ...i laugh when alone. electronic attempts at sexual intimacy? ...i only feel contempt. empty accolades and friend-mongering? ...disregarded completely.
my bullshit detector is state-of-the-art; no point play-acting at something you're not, or force-feeding me the thing that you are.

i seek to suck the marrow from life, not fester in predictibility. the fact that i don't read fiction and hate television should be indication alone. the way i bask in the nuances of the English language and seek to find new souls to feed should be a post-it note on my picture. my dissatisfaction with "the way things are" is not generalized disillusion, but rather, a grasping knowledge of something deeper.

selfishness? old-school. ego? offensive.
perfect frankness about the human condition and one's shifting place in this chaos?
...please, come over here, by me.
i want to know you.