anger_frog

I got up at the crack of dawn with one mission: I'm going to finish my schoolwork. The morning was spent diligently grinding away at the last paper, and greats strides were made in my goal. Unfortunately, the afternoon brought distraciton: a big family early dinner, an affection starved wiener dog, getting to talk to Lotus (buy her stuff! she need our support!) for the first time in weeks, etc. So, I finally decided that there were too many distracting things at my house to finish this paper. I was headed to the library. Of course, as I was heading out the door, the phone rings. The caller ID lists it as a private number, so I figure it was the FoP begging for money again. I quickly answer it in hopes of dismissing them quickly.

Me: "Hello?"
Strange Woman: "Hey Baby! You want me to suck that hard, long cock of yours?"
Me: "That sounds interesting."

My first thought is that it was a friend playing a joke, so I decided to be coy and wait for the punchline.

Strange Woman: "Yeah? How about riding my tight pussy all night? You like that?"
Me: "I've been known to like that, yes. Who is this?"
Strange Woman: "This is [Candy]. Oh god, your voice is getting me wetter."

Ok, obviously the punchline is not going to come here. The crappy connection (I couldn't make her out very well, and I left out the times I had to ask her to repeat things) and the porn dialogue suggests that she was an actual phone sex operator. I decided to get to the bottom of this wacky shit.

Me: "So, I can't say I get a lot of calls like this lately."
Candy: "Really? I guess I couldn't wait to get on that cock of yours. I'm gonna ride my ass up and down it all night, baby."
Me: "Uh yeah, about that...I really don't know you, and I don't usually..."
Candy: "Oh, I know you baby. I know you got what I need."
Me: "Really? Who am I then?"
Candy: "ooooooh....I'm gonna be screaming it all night!"
Me: "And what name are you screaming?"
Candy: [gives a name that isn't mine]

Ladies and Gentlemen: the ultimate wrong number.

Me: "Um nope. That's not me."
Candy: "That's okay baby, I can settle for you."

At this point tears are streaming down my purple face because I'm choking back a sea of laughter at the sheer absurdness of this shit. The rest of the conversation is me trying to explain that I'm really busy and trying to get off the phone, while this overly eager sex worker is insisting that I remain on the line and possibly wank off or something. Since she called me, I'm assuming her services were already paid for, and she just wanted to log the time. I finally rushed out another apology for having to go and hung up, and then proceded to roll about the floor in uncontrollable laughter. After an hour of recovery, I finally made it to the library, where no one asked about sucking my long, hard cock.