anger_frog

I noticed something a few minutes ago. I finally remembered who was missing from my friends' list, and found her absence odd since we've always had a fairly constant exchange of dialogue. I figured it was a mistake, since I've noticed that sometimes a name will drop off only to get an invite from that person a couple days later. Usually they mistakeningly delete the wrong name, or maybe they'll do it correct a double-listing. I typed her name into the hookup and come up with nothing. Hmmm. I went to a few journal with whom I knew she wouldn't have deleted from her list....nothing. Not even a journal with the old profile picture and a new name.

It then occurred to me how often that happens here. People just get fed up with everyone on their list, and just delete the whole thing during on an hour that no one is on and then just change their name or let the account die. I always thought about it in terms of being zotted and rejoining under false identities to harass their enemies, but I never really considered the possiblity of disappearing and reappearing under a new guise for other reasons.

I like it. There's too many annoying complications with an announced departure, both online and real life. My best exits are without fanfare or notice, and I think that's how I'd like to leave all things in this world.

People are obsessed with the idea of being missed. They want crowds of people at their funerals, they want people to gather around to talk them out of jumping off the ledge or taking the pills with the booze, they people to cry when they walk out the door. Fuck that. Why can't people leave without expecting some ceremonial outcry of attention? Can you not justify your existence without inflicting pain with your absence?

When I leave this place, I want it to go unnoticed as my presence here was. When I die, I want it to be quick and silent in the dark, with no pains taken to dispose of the body. I want to be the unselfish one for once, and I don't want anyone to know.