anger_frog

I think I've reached a new level of being disconnected from people.

I'm not certain it's a bad thing though.

This is the level where everyone in your life is nothing more than an acquaintance, even those you've known since as far back you can remember. You're so unattached to anyone on this earth that you can't feel anything beyond yourself, and everyone else feels that same about you. Emotional exchanges are nothing more than common displays of predictable cliches with no real investment involved.

People fear getting here. They want to be loved, they want someone to come to their funeral, they want to think they are important to other people. But why? Love will kill you slower than hate. To die unnoticed means to do no harm to others through your absence. Most people don't deserve to have anyone, so why exploit yourself to others?

To be truly alone is the ultimate freedom. Love and loneliness are nothing more than the raw animal herd instinct that evolution has procrastinated in its elimination. The human race will never achieve its pinnacle until we all die inside and rise from the ashes of our meaningless emotions and anxieties.

I just wish this wasn't temporary. Two days later I'm still in shock and this is the best I could come up with as a psychological defense mechanism. Once that wears off, then I'm going to be scared at how alone I am now. I hate feeling anything; I just want to be numb for the rest of my life so I can stop the distraction of pain and accomplish something of real value. All the potential I have is wasted on me because I can't move past how I can never meet these stupid base human needs. Everything that makes me good and human also makes me weak and useless. I envy the selfish bastards and sociopaths in this world, for this is truly their home, and I'm nothing more than an unwelcome guest.