I seem to be able to give good advice to people concerning their problems, but I haven't a clue as to what to do with my own fucked up situations, nor does anyone else for that matter. Does this mean that I'm a very deep, complex individual, or that I'm just screwed beyond all hope of salvation? That's a rhetorical question, of course, as I'm not sure I really care about the difference at this stage of the game. I honestly think that my best course of action is to try to coast through things right now until something better comes along in my life, or at least a well-thought out plan of action to improve my lot.
I think I'm just sick of how this place makes me feel so lonely and I'm trying rationalize a path of escape into a better place that may or may not exist.
Sometimes I wish that no one depends or wants me around so I'd have absolutely no excuse to do anything but get up and leave for a random place at the spur of the moment. I"m sick of being responsible for people who have no ability or intention of helping me when I need it. That's horribly selfish, but it's been at the back of my mind for a long time, and there's no harm in saying it here in the company of strangers. I'm sick of doing the right thing, and telling the truth, and all this other worthless altruistic bullshit that doesn't even matter when everything is said and done. I'm sick of being the good one, and I'm sick of getting karmically punished for it. I'm also sick of the fact that I can't seem to throw all that away and just finally fix things in the ease and alacrity that a real bastard could.
I'm so fucking tired of being here and being myself.
I think I'm just sick of how this place makes me feel so lonely and I'm trying rationalize a path of escape into a better place that may or may not exist.
Sometimes I wish that no one depends or wants me around so I'd have absolutely no excuse to do anything but get up and leave for a random place at the spur of the moment. I"m sick of being responsible for people who have no ability or intention of helping me when I need it. That's horribly selfish, but it's been at the back of my mind for a long time, and there's no harm in saying it here in the company of strangers. I'm sick of doing the right thing, and telling the truth, and all this other worthless altruistic bullshit that doesn't even matter when everything is said and done. I'm sick of being the good one, and I'm sick of getting karmically punished for it. I'm also sick of the fact that I can't seem to throw all that away and just finally fix things in the ease and alacrity that a real bastard could.
I'm so fucking tired of being here and being myself.