I wanted to write a journal entry that didn't mention the following: loneliness, depression, low self-esteem or the intense fucking physical pain I'm experiencing at the moment. Unfortunately, I'm drawing a big fat blank; the pain is causing my head to be immobile but left with the minty fresh taste of a tension-migraine hybrid, so happy thoughts are pretty much out of the question.
If you stumbled upon this journal with hopes of reading something light-heartedly humorous or inspiring, then I would suggest clicking about my friends list. They are quite wonderful shiny, happy people, and most of them doing very well at the moment. In fact, I would probably be reading their entries now, except my eyes are under intense pressure, and I barely see what I'm typing as everything appears purple and fuzzy. Of course, the cocktail of pain killers and relaxants I took may be the cause of this, although they haven't really helped since this started crushing my head two days ago non-fucking-stop. It really feels like someone is chopping off my head with a butter knife, and actually making some slow but steady progress in doing so.
My eyes are failing, so I'll wrap this up. I'll write in this goddamned journal thing again when I have something positive and meaningful to put here, but recent patterns suggest that might be awhile, so I'm thinking I'll be somewhat lax in recording my thoughts. Jesus Christ, now its in my temples: there is nothing above my shoulders that isn't in fucking agony. A fatal OD is looking quite pleasant at the moment i can't believe this is happening again dear god make it stop
If you stumbled upon this journal with hopes of reading something light-heartedly humorous or inspiring, then I would suggest clicking about my friends list. They are quite wonderful shiny, happy people, and most of them doing very well at the moment. In fact, I would probably be reading their entries now, except my eyes are under intense pressure, and I barely see what I'm typing as everything appears purple and fuzzy. Of course, the cocktail of pain killers and relaxants I took may be the cause of this, although they haven't really helped since this started crushing my head two days ago non-fucking-stop. It really feels like someone is chopping off my head with a butter knife, and actually making some slow but steady progress in doing so.
My eyes are failing, so I'll wrap this up. I'll write in this goddamned journal thing again when I have something positive and meaningful to put here, but recent patterns suggest that might be awhile, so I'm thinking I'll be somewhat lax in recording my thoughts. Jesus Christ, now its in my temples: there is nothing above my shoulders that isn't in fucking agony. A fatal OD is looking quite pleasant at the moment i can't believe this is happening again dear god make it stop
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I've been in a dark spot for a while now, too. And, while I'm not attempting to empathize, I can say that breathing is always better than not. Small increments are my trick: I live from one cup of coffee to the next, now. It's not exciting or healthy, but it helps to get me out of bed in the morning and to get me through the day -- for whatever that's worth.
Be well and hang on.