anger_frog

I actually slept last night. I can't remember the last time I managed to do this, but it is almost nice being awake this early without having stare at my bed longingly. Actually, I'm feeling very good right now, although I'm not quite sure why I am. In fact, I'm feeling a clarity of thought that is lasting much longer than a moment. Sleep cycles affect the mood, so I think I should try more sunlight this week just to see how it goes.

Nothing particularly interesting has happened since I last wrote. My brother missed a court day yesterday; he didn't find out until hours after he was supposed to show. A year and a half ago, his wife forged his name on some checks from an old bank account and went on a spending spree. Interestingly enough, according to state law, not only is it legal for a woman to write checks on her husband's seperate (not joint) bank account, but the husband is considered to be 100% legally and financially responsible for her actions. That law is gender specific too; if you reverse the roles, the husband is still screwed. Granted, this is an old law from back in the days in which women were considered simpletons that needed to be slapped around for back-sassin' and check bouncin', so if the husband wasn't disciplining his wife enough, he deserved to be legally responsible as the woman wasn't smart enough to know better. Yes, I know that sounds horrible, but that was life a hundred years ago, both in the backwoods here and the more civilized climes you live in. Anyway, he thought he had the whole cheque thing settled, but apparently he missed one, and the fines for both the cheque and court costs are well beyond his means. I think this has something to do with the fact that he pisses away his money, and anything leftover goes to feed his trailer trash wife's drug habit (and occasionally gifts to give her ex-husband in exchange for sexual favors). Damn my brother is a loser. It's so odd, because I remember looking up to him during most of my childhood, and now he's just a sad shell of a man cuckolded by a Springer reject and living in a trailer.

Come to think of it, I don't know anyone who stayed here and made much of their lives beyond middle management. Success and fulfillment are not to be found here. You're expected to get married a few times, pump out a gaggle of kids, and scrape by until you're dead. The paradigm here allows little else; its nature abhors dreams and ambition. I keep fearing that I've been stuck here too long to get away, or I'm too old to make anything of myself beyond this place. I know that I have to leave or become one of the people I hate; I have a shit list of dozens and all of them are engulfed in the bitterness and hatred that has been eating away at me for the longest time. As much as I hate being alone, I know that I can't walk outside my front door without some how getting entangled in their bullshit and being dragged down a few more feet closer to their depths. Things will be so much easier when school starts because I'll be too busy with work to acknowledge the ugliness of this place.