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06 - The Hunger - The Distillers - Coral Fang
So I have a "date" tonight with Nicky and I'm kind if nervous about it. She's smart and really pretty. We have a lot in common and it seems like we like each other. I'm Really scared that it might develop into something, I know I would make more sense if I said I was worried that it wouldn't work out, but It's so much easier to want than it is to have.
I've been s consumed over the past year with what could have been with Lindsey that it's been easy to just not want anyone else. There was a period in time when i just wanted somebody in my life. The emptiness and the loneliness started as a terrible hunger that gnawed at my heart and sanity but eventually became a comfort zone. There are a lot of reasons for that. Obviously one cannot lose what one does not possess, so there is very little chance of being heartbroken when you are alone. Then there's the practicality of the situation. It costs more for two people to go out than it does for one.
I guess I'm just not prepared to feel that I want or need somebody in my life. Although it's true that there have been many times I just wanted love or affection instead of cold emptiness.
It would be easy for me to get my hopes up about Nicky. She seems so perfect. We have the same interests. We both have a single child. We're closer in age than some of the other girls who've been around. I could devote myself to her completely and probably be happy with her. I know this and I just met her a couple days ago. I'm not expecting all the cliche signs of true love. i don't care if I hear little bells or see stars or feel the earth move when she's around. I would settle for feeling warmth and confort being near her.
It's funny though that there are always options. I got an interesting text message last night from someone who wants to introduce me to one of her friends.
actually there are a couple of options. I know I've just been to comfortable being lonely to explore them. I think I'm ready to share my life with somebody. I'm just not ready to lose that again.
06 - The Hunger - The Distillers - Coral Fang
So I have a "date" tonight with Nicky and I'm kind if nervous about it. She's smart and really pretty. We have a lot in common and it seems like we like each other. I'm Really scared that it might develop into something, I know I would make more sense if I said I was worried that it wouldn't work out, but It's so much easier to want than it is to have.
I've been s consumed over the past year with what could have been with Lindsey that it's been easy to just not want anyone else. There was a period in time when i just wanted somebody in my life. The emptiness and the loneliness started as a terrible hunger that gnawed at my heart and sanity but eventually became a comfort zone. There are a lot of reasons for that. Obviously one cannot lose what one does not possess, so there is very little chance of being heartbroken when you are alone. Then there's the practicality of the situation. It costs more for two people to go out than it does for one.
I guess I'm just not prepared to feel that I want or need somebody in my life. Although it's true that there have been many times I just wanted love or affection instead of cold emptiness.
It would be easy for me to get my hopes up about Nicky. She seems so perfect. We have the same interests. We both have a single child. We're closer in age than some of the other girls who've been around. I could devote myself to her completely and probably be happy with her. I know this and I just met her a couple days ago. I'm not expecting all the cliche signs of true love. i don't care if I hear little bells or see stars or feel the earth move when she's around. I would settle for feeling warmth and confort being near her.
It's funny though that there are always options. I got an interesting text message last night from someone who wants to introduce me to one of her friends.
actually there are a couple of options. I know I've just been to comfortable being lonely to explore them. I think I'm ready to share my life with somebody. I'm just not ready to lose that again.