angelfrost

The Other Shoe

So I'm about to turn into one of those people who vents their inmost feelings into their journal (at least I don't do it often)

So it's like this, My first love found out from God that she needed to dump me. (no really)

The second girl I was serious with, I moved in with, lived with for nearly a year, and without warning she left me for her car mechanic.

I didn't date seriously again for a long time. When I did, it was quite serious, and with wedding plans in progress, she called me up right before valentine's day, to say she was in love with her 17 year old highschool dropout junkie roomate and didn't think we could work out.

Shortly before meeting MyEvilTwin, the girl I was dating ended our relationship by having a threesome with two of my friends.


So yesterday - Valentine's Day - I'm in this play, and in this play there is this girl, and in this play this girl and I had a thing, a thing which had gone terribly wrong. And both of us act well, and it kinda wigged me out.

I can't decide if it's a sign of cynicism or bitterness or self abuse that even though MyEvilTwin and I are deleriously happy, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I keep waiting for the message from God, the car mechanic, the Valentine's Day, the threesome, the brick that flies through the perfectly flat mirrored window of contentedness.

You can drive yourself crazy waiting for the end of everything you hold dear. But security has always been a myth, the human body is frail and vulnerable, and the human soul more so.

Maybe one day the brick will hit this happiness I've found, the trick is to fall asleep every day grateful that today was not that day.

A