andyboyh

I've had exams over the last 2 weeks. I've got one left. I failed the last one, definately. Things aren't so good in that respect.


But I just feel so lonely. Will and Zoe, despite possible fractures in their relationship, seem to be as flirty and in love as ever. Abi is secretly pining for Christiaan. Anthony and Maninder have the whole wierd: 'are they, aren't they?' thing going. Igor and Sarah have the whole love/hate thing as well.
[they'll all people from my uni course]


And what do I have? lonliness.

A feeling that no woman in the world would ever want me, want to date me, would want to have feelings for me. A feeling that I'll never date, never kiss, never have sex, never do any of the things normal couples do, cos I'm just some boring wierd freak on antidepressants with an array of weird interests ranging from the bizarre (anime) to the rediculous (vw beetles) and a disconcerting amount of nosebleeds every so often. A feeling that I should give up chasing the impossible and accept the truth. Accept I'm no catch, and I'm totally undeserving of any woman, of any affection in my life.


I feel so empty today. Maybe it's karma paying me back. Maybe it's trying to meddle in Abi's and Christiaan's affairs to try to get them together over a drink. Maybe despite all my good intentions to try and help other people, it only gets paid back by lonliness in my own life. Maybe it's just me. Depressing, annoying, worthless piece of sh!t me.


That's probably right. Why should I expect anything more or anything less from my sad existence? Maybe I'm just a glitch, a bug, a spanner in the well oiled world. A dinosaur plodding slowly to extinction.


What I could just do for a real live hug right now. Although that's out of reach, just like everything else, so it seems today.