I don't rant often, but this one's going to be a long one, I fear.
I have a web friend who is in an abusive relationship. She and I have IMed for probably 7 years now, and she has a condition where she throws up a lot. Bulimia and Gastroparesis.
She ends up in the hospital because of electrolite issues, but once she gets out, she can't fill the perscriptions they give her because all her money is going to feed her abusive BF's drug habit. So she leaves the hospital, doesn't take her meds, and then ends up right back in the hospital again.
I've been sending her money to get her prescriptions, but it's always the same thing : she won't take my money until she gets *really* sick....and then is back in the hospital again. Sometimes she'll let me buy her meds right when she gets out, and as a result she stays healthy for a while. Her BF has two kids who she cares about, and he uses them to blackmail her into staying with him : he doesn't work, and clearly can't take care of them himself.
Recently she came down with pneumonia, and it was the same deal : she saw the doctor, he gave her a perscription which she didn't have the money to fill, and waited until she was *really* sick before she let me help her buy the antibiotics and lung inhalers she needed.
In the mean time, her BF was "feeling stressed" (meaning she was at risk of being beaten up by him) so she had to sleep out in their car.....while she was trying to recover from pneumonia, and they were having the big cold snap on the east coast.
It was all well and good that she had her antibiotics, but apparently she had once again waited too long to get them, as her fever went down for a while, but then spiked up again, and apparently things got so bad that she ended up in the hospital again, on an IV antibiotic drip.
I just heard about all this from her today, as she had just checked herself out of the hospital against medical advice, ***5 days*** before they were willing to have her go. She was "starting to feel a little better" and " I just hate being in the hospital".
This time the people at the hospital were really pissed, because if you know anything about how those ugly drug-resistant strains of bacteria develop, they develop from situations exactly like hers. The meds kill off all the weaker bacteria first, and continue to kill them until only the very toughest bacteria are left alive. Iif you quit the meds too soon, and the bacteria come back, then all you've got in your system this time are the *very* worst ones. You are a danger to yourself, and a real danger to the rest of the community as well.
So here I am in the same position once again : She doesn't have the money to fill her prescription, won't let me help her ( "I'll figure something out") until she's really sick again. But this time with a strain of bacteria that could kill her.
While we are friends, things are getting to the point where I'm getting sick and tired of sending her money for situations which are repeatedly brought about by her own foolishness.
Getting angry with her just drives her away when she most needs help, and trying to reason with her about her abusive relationship ( But he loves me ! ) has been totally useless. There's a real chance she could die sometime in the future, given the way she approaches life in general, and she's got no one to help her but me.
I'm beginning to feel that I'm enabling her by bailing her out of these situations, but she truly has no one else to turn to, and refuses to leave her leach of an abusive BF. Did I mention that she gets suicidal as well ?
After all these years of trying to help her get her head straight about this guy she's with, I'm really at my wits end as to what to do next.
There are those folks who, if you let them sink or swim, they'll end up sinking.
I have a web friend who is in an abusive relationship. She and I have IMed for probably 7 years now, and she has a condition where she throws up a lot. Bulimia and Gastroparesis.
She ends up in the hospital because of electrolite issues, but once she gets out, she can't fill the perscriptions they give her because all her money is going to feed her abusive BF's drug habit. So she leaves the hospital, doesn't take her meds, and then ends up right back in the hospital again.
I've been sending her money to get her prescriptions, but it's always the same thing : she won't take my money until she gets *really* sick....and then is back in the hospital again. Sometimes she'll let me buy her meds right when she gets out, and as a result she stays healthy for a while. Her BF has two kids who she cares about, and he uses them to blackmail her into staying with him : he doesn't work, and clearly can't take care of them himself.
Recently she came down with pneumonia, and it was the same deal : she saw the doctor, he gave her a perscription which she didn't have the money to fill, and waited until she was *really* sick before she let me help her buy the antibiotics and lung inhalers she needed.
In the mean time, her BF was "feeling stressed" (meaning she was at risk of being beaten up by him) so she had to sleep out in their car.....while she was trying to recover from pneumonia, and they were having the big cold snap on the east coast.
It was all well and good that she had her antibiotics, but apparently she had once again waited too long to get them, as her fever went down for a while, but then spiked up again, and apparently things got so bad that she ended up in the hospital again, on an IV antibiotic drip.
I just heard about all this from her today, as she had just checked herself out of the hospital against medical advice, ***5 days*** before they were willing to have her go. She was "starting to feel a little better" and " I just hate being in the hospital".
This time the people at the hospital were really pissed, because if you know anything about how those ugly drug-resistant strains of bacteria develop, they develop from situations exactly like hers. The meds kill off all the weaker bacteria first, and continue to kill them until only the very toughest bacteria are left alive. Iif you quit the meds too soon, and the bacteria come back, then all you've got in your system this time are the *very* worst ones. You are a danger to yourself, and a real danger to the rest of the community as well.
So here I am in the same position once again : She doesn't have the money to fill her prescription, won't let me help her ( "I'll figure something out") until she's really sick again. But this time with a strain of bacteria that could kill her.
While we are friends, things are getting to the point where I'm getting sick and tired of sending her money for situations which are repeatedly brought about by her own foolishness.
Getting angry with her just drives her away when she most needs help, and trying to reason with her about her abusive relationship ( But he loves me ! ) has been totally useless. There's a real chance she could die sometime in the future, given the way she approaches life in general, and she's got no one to help her but me.
I'm beginning to feel that I'm enabling her by bailing her out of these situations, but she truly has no one else to turn to, and refuses to leave her leach of an abusive BF. Did I mention that she gets suicidal as well ?
After all these years of trying to help her get her head straight about this guy she's with, I'm really at my wits end as to what to do next.
There are those folks who, if you let them sink or swim, they'll end up sinking.
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It's hard but sometimes we need to step back and say nothing, I've had to do it with family and it sucks but with some people the only way to be there is by not being there.
It's just that the particular sorts of consequences she is looking at (medical ones) generally seem to involve her dying.
Which is a harsh way to ask someone to get the message.
Sigh...