andthen

Well, I think some of you know how it goes. Sometimes we just don't feel like blogging, and so we let this page sit idle, as though we do not care.

So I did have something that happened a few days ago. My.....well, I can't really call her my GF, but we were saying "I love you" to each other, and sleeping together, when neither of us had dared to say that, or do that with anyone in many years....I had something happen with her a few days ago.

She moved away about a year ago, under problematic circumstances in our relationship, but we've stayed in touch, off and on, via e-mail, ever since. There were never any arguments in our relationship to break things up. She just....began to withdraw once it seemed there was starting to be a real connection. And she had other problems as well. As time has passed, I've come to realize that even though she is well into middle age, she's probably never really allowed herself to truly love someone in her life.

The e-mail address we would use contained a reference to the town where I live....the name of the town we both lived in as lovers. I wrote her a few days ago, and the message came back : She'd closed the account. Without saying a thing to me about it.

I mean why should she keep it : she doesn't live here anymore. And I have other addys for her. But given how that address was a reminder of the years she lived here, and we've always used it between us, it's been poignant to see it shut down like that. And without a mention on her part.

Some people are just scared of getting close, I think.

But it's a sad thing to think that it might always be that way, for the rest of their lives, for someone we once truly cared about.