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andthen

On the Oregon high desert. Too bad it got so fucking trendy.

Member Since 2007

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Tuesday May 24, 2011

May 24, 2011
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OK, so I am starting to notice a pattern, and finally my GF is too.

Once things start settling down with us, and looking like we have something serious going....that's when she tries to kill the thing. So in a sense, the better things get......the worse they get.

We are both able to say we love each other, and are not looking for anyone else, but the kind of tumultuiousness this dynamic brings to both of our lives is clearly not good, particularly this last time, when she went a little bit off her rocker with some of the things she found herself saying about us. It was a lot bigger than the other times...and kind of spooky how it went....and she knows it.

So imagine how proud I was of her that, out of the blue, she told me she had gotten her first solo therapy appointment, ever in her life, to try and figure out some of what's going on with herself. For someone as stubborn and bull-headed as she is ( my nickname for her is "The Hammer" ) it's pretty darned impressive.

Not that her session was all about us, as her issues.....and everyone's issues, probably.....are a lot more universal than just she and I.

But relationships are one of the stages on which people's issues play out on, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things develop. Add to that the fact that just because she works on her issues does not mean that all of a sudden I'm going to be the greatest man in the world for her. In fact, perhaps it's her issues that caused her to pick me in the first place, and she'll come to understand that, and then we'll break up.

I mean, it's notably strange that she and I are together at all, given how very odd the match-up looks from the outside...

But as long as things stay honest and real, and we don't break up because of some kind of fear or wierdness on her part, I'll have nothing to complain about, no matter how I'll miss her,

As usual, I expect it all to be a week-to-week sort of thing, with more of these episodes in the future, but now I believe that there are things she is learning about herself from each of them, so I'm willing to stick with her.

Still, it would be nice to be able to feel some security in the thing for a while at least. One thing I do believe is that lovers should be able to comfort each other. I don't think that's too much to expect.

But there are times when we can't have everything, and need to be grateful for what we do have.


Still on the road, so I guess I'll see how things are when I get back, and we see each other in person.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
desdmonia:
yep, my favorite part of the day is tending to them. i cannot wait for my gladiolus to bloom, so many of them that should be blooming in the next few weeks!
i am really excited i found some lisianthus plants at a garden center - they are hard to grow here and i can never find plants for sale. i havent found a spot for them yet, probably going to buy a special standing pot. they are my favorite flower from when i used to work as a florist. smile
peonies are way above my level though! you should post some photos of them smile
Jun 14, 2011
desdmonia:
also, i hope things are getting better with you and your girlfriend. missed this blog, must have been when computer was broken.
Jun 14, 2011

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