androob

so ive always been between a rock and a hard place. ive never tried to make myself happy. in turn i seem (seem is setting this nicely) to hurt the ones i care about. for my own reference. ive had a hard time trying to keep my head above water and the only way ive done so is by pure luck.
there's a birthday five days, i want to be there or at least see the birthday girl. i think this is the only way i can keep myself from hurting the birthday girl. i'm so confused in my own head. i don't think ive felt this pain in my sternum in a long time.
happy birthday to a snail...i miss her.