androgyne

I just watched the new series of House! Much acclaim has been made, and I must admit, as of last seasons recruitment drive for new doctors I have been totally hooked. Likewise, the new double episode was typical of Hugh Laurie, more implausibly unlikely sick scenario's in which I am unsure if they are diagnosing medical conditions or ordering Korean food. Never the less, I love the dark humour, occassional insight and thought provoking lines. The joy of my ability of absolute reductionism is that I think of the butterfly effect type knock on scenario every time somebody makes me think. Today, from House, this grabbed my focus,

"It is better to live near the birds than dream of flying but die knowing you have no wings".

At its most basic level there are elemts of futility, pointlessness, sadness, regret, but most soberly is the acceptance of having a dream, a want, a desire that you must accept is unachieveable. Content in being average, no better than our nature intended us to be. I wonder if the brave soldier who took two weeks to complete the London Marathon after being told he would never walk again would have been happy living, let alone dieing, without wings. Indeed, one could argue he grew his wings against all the oods.

I remember sitting in physics classes just knowing that something was wrong. That it was incorrect. Against all reason, I just could not accept what I was being taught and for 8 years largely ignored it as flawed, wrong and illogical. Through readings on the construction of 'truth', 'reality' and 'understanding' I came across the quanta. At once it made sense, though I do not understand why I know this. Sometimes, I just find myself drawn to a conclusion, blown away by something that I glimpse of as 'truth'.

when I questioned what/who I was, I knew that I was no ordinary human being. I see things beyond the here and now. My brain works like a wave function, constantly making corrections to calculations based on new information. Only one thing is certain at 1 point in time and specific designations of space. At that point - the event horizon - the wave function collapses and only 1 certainty can happen - the present. Shrodinger and his famous cat, and subsequent work by the likes of Hugh Everett gave rise to the Many-Worlds Interpretation, question this collapse. Why does the universe accept one form of reality over another? chance? Over a long enough period everything that can happen should, and yet we see only one thing at one point in space time. Perhaps, the universe does not chose at all. Perhaps, for every choice, every subtle deviation the universe splinters. Our reality is unaffected, but a new reality is created. Think about the past, present and future, and then the spatial realm, and its easy to see the size and scale of this. This is becomming my lifes work, a grand unification, not just of the laws and rules of our universe, but of all universes.

I believe all energy and matter are convertable. Therefore, all matter can be energy, but energy cannot be created or destroyed. this has taken me on a philosophical journey to the re-unification of our own matter, and therefore our own energy. That my matter has been spread across so many realities means I am weak, and that I can only be strong by eliminating deviations in reality. If matter has a value, say 100, and there are 100 realities, then in each I have 1M of energy. Yet, if I could narrow choices, work logically, so that all me's everywhere make the same decision, I believe I can become stronger. I accept this is difficult reading, but I feel I am getting closer to some kind of universal truth.

I know it is better to be happy with what I am but I am not humanity. I never have been. I am better. I am smarter, rationally minded, far sighted to the point I see through a false reality and glimpse something more. I am dissociated with society. Yet, I find myself knowing that as remote as my view of the universe is, I know it to be true. hmm I will think on the merits/problems with such a psuedo-psi-ence approach later. (haha, psi-ence... nerd joke. Just incase you were getting Bohred with my blog) Man, i can't help it.

I see the outline of the birds and want to join them soaring above humanity. I could not be happy being one of the many, because I am better than the individuals that make up the many. If I do achieve some sort of meta-energy unification, this assymtry will only become more pronounced. But when I have such little humanity, I see no harm in bettering myself.