New SG = GROSS.... I'm mad confused and so far it looks impossable to browse all my friend's recent journals at once insted of just 3 or 4 at a time...
But there is no time for that! I feel sick! So last night I walk up to my house and I see Shelly on my porch talking on a cell phone. Shelly is my friends mother, to be more spacific, my "friend" is the girl whom I have been for lack of a better word obsessed with. I spent a large portion of my elder life feeling as if I was in love with her and the feelings were unreturned. So we are friends. It's been a while since the height of my feelings, at this point I accept her feelings and have been looking elsewhere for female companionship. In anycase her mother was on my porch talking on a cellphone, I asked "what are you doing here." She said somthing to the effect of "Tiffany is looking for you." (my friend) I turn around and Tiffany is there and she ran up and gave me a hug. She looked at me in the eye and said "I'm over Keith." Which didn't make sense because he is her ex boyfriend and she is the one who ended it and the one who is against getting back together again. She gave me a kiss and I was confused. I look around to see if this is real, to see if it was a dream. I was super excited when it didn't appear to be and that it felt so real. We continued to kiss and then things just drifted into nothingness. I woke up... SO FUCKING PISSED. I'm more upset than I am angry... It's upsetting for me to realize she still has this... well that I still have these feelings. I thought I was over this, I was so ready to move on, I have been moving on. I was moved on... The last time I saw her was the first time I saw her with just being happy we are together and not bitter that were not together. FUCK, what does this mean now? I took a year off school (primarily) to sort this out and I came to the conclusion that it's time to move on, that I finally CAN move on. But what the fuck is this? I feel sick and anxious. NOW on top of this my uncle who had recently had a heart attack is walking around the house this morning when I woke up. We were supposed to be out 40 minutes before I even woke up, I asked what happend. He said plans had changed, were going to the ER... He has had some internal bleeding and his penis is blue... He had a catheterization and they made a small incison around his groin. He woke up this morning with the small black and blue area being much larger, encompassing his penis, which is now blue. While we were in the hospitol I kept feeling for him but I was also feeling anxious about this tiffany thing. I keep seeing her face, I keep seeing us kissing and it is making me sick, on top of feeling sick, on top of feeling sick.... I got owned today and nothing really happend to me... We left the hospitol because he was going to be there a while and was getting tests done. My uncle Paul and I came home for breakfast and I started writing this journal entry. Just 5 minutes ago my uncle Paul got a text message from my uncle Charles saying "just in case my will is upsairs." *sigh* I don't know what the fuck that means but it doesn't make me feel any better...
AND FUCKING SG IS ALL DIFFERNT AND WEIRD!
And I keep seeing Tiffany in my head, I don't know wether to tell her or not to. I am leaving in August for school which is 5 or so hours away. I would take another year of for her which is scary.. I REALLY want to go to school, and it scares me that I could even THINK of taking another year off for her. The chance of it happening like that is almost 0% but the fact that I would even consider it scares me. It scares me because I still have that level of feeling for her. *sigh sigh sigh*
*LE SIGH*
But there is no time for that! I feel sick! So last night I walk up to my house and I see Shelly on my porch talking on a cell phone. Shelly is my friends mother, to be more spacific, my "friend" is the girl whom I have been for lack of a better word obsessed with. I spent a large portion of my elder life feeling as if I was in love with her and the feelings were unreturned. So we are friends. It's been a while since the height of my feelings, at this point I accept her feelings and have been looking elsewhere for female companionship. In anycase her mother was on my porch talking on a cellphone, I asked "what are you doing here." She said somthing to the effect of "Tiffany is looking for you." (my friend) I turn around and Tiffany is there and she ran up and gave me a hug. She looked at me in the eye and said "I'm over Keith." Which didn't make sense because he is her ex boyfriend and she is the one who ended it and the one who is against getting back together again. She gave me a kiss and I was confused. I look around to see if this is real, to see if it was a dream. I was super excited when it didn't appear to be and that it felt so real. We continued to kiss and then things just drifted into nothingness. I woke up... SO FUCKING PISSED. I'm more upset than I am angry... It's upsetting for me to realize she still has this... well that I still have these feelings. I thought I was over this, I was so ready to move on, I have been moving on. I was moved on... The last time I saw her was the first time I saw her with just being happy we are together and not bitter that were not together. FUCK, what does this mean now? I took a year off school (primarily) to sort this out and I came to the conclusion that it's time to move on, that I finally CAN move on. But what the fuck is this? I feel sick and anxious. NOW on top of this my uncle who had recently had a heart attack is walking around the house this morning when I woke up. We were supposed to be out 40 minutes before I even woke up, I asked what happend. He said plans had changed, were going to the ER... He has had some internal bleeding and his penis is blue... He had a catheterization and they made a small incison around his groin. He woke up this morning with the small black and blue area being much larger, encompassing his penis, which is now blue. While we were in the hospitol I kept feeling for him but I was also feeling anxious about this tiffany thing. I keep seeing her face, I keep seeing us kissing and it is making me sick, on top of feeling sick, on top of feeling sick.... I got owned today and nothing really happend to me... We left the hospitol because he was going to be there a while and was getting tests done. My uncle Paul and I came home for breakfast and I started writing this journal entry. Just 5 minutes ago my uncle Paul got a text message from my uncle Charles saying "just in case my will is upsairs." *sigh* I don't know what the fuck that means but it doesn't make me feel any better...
AND FUCKING SG IS ALL DIFFERNT AND WEIRD!
And I keep seeing Tiffany in my head, I don't know wether to tell her or not to. I am leaving in August for school which is 5 or so hours away. I would take another year of for her which is scary.. I REALLY want to go to school, and it scares me that I could even THINK of taking another year off for her. The chance of it happening like that is almost 0% but the fact that I would even consider it scares me. It scares me because I still have that level of feeling for her. *sigh sigh sigh*
*LE SIGH*
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