anaxarete

in case you missed it last time

AVENGER
GENEVRA

here's a bunch of junk that Ive been thinking about

its been a long time since I was in college and thinking about this stuff so if Im missing something really obvious, please forgive me AND enlighten me.

Im pretty obsessed with breasts lately. Im breastfeeding so I handle my breasts a lot, bring them out in situations I might not be so comfortable with, they're leaky so my chest is often wet or stained and lastly they've changed shape a lot since before I was pregnant, then through the pregnancy, immediately postpartum and then now (about 9 mos postpartum). right, so I think about breasts a lot and gender roles. lemme tell you there is nothing like having a baby (with a man, that is, if you're a woman) to bring you back to those gender roles you swore didnt exist in your relationship.
oh. my. god.
I have never felt more needy or insecure.
wow, well that was a digression I didnt mean to take.
so I was thinking about Laura Mulvey's theory of the male gaze which basically attempts to explain why both boys and girls like to look at girls
and it occurred to me
we all had mothers
we all were biologically meant to breastfeed
of course we all like breasts
maybe it doesnt have anything at all to do with an uneven power struggle (although it probably does as well)

huh, Im not so good at telling a succinct story or thought
so, Sunday night, my homework is done, baby is sleeping I have my tea, all is right with the world.

got my haircut this week and was attempting a new profile pic
whaddya think?
A

B

C


course you dont know what I really look like so its hard to know which photo is actually representative

lastly
I dont know what to think about this
we live on the 5th floor in a bldg in nyc. I walk around naked often and it makes the husband really uptight - like the neighbors will see. we've been living in this apt for 18 years, probably 30 or so people could see, but Ive never been aware, it doesnt bother me, doesnt seem real. I have never been on the street and wondered if they've seen me naked, never met anyone who was like "oh, wow, Ive seen you naked"
what I find strange is that my husband has encouraged me for about 5 years now to get naked on the internet. that can feel scarey to me.
on a site like this where I feel like I sorta know people theres the idea that you're revealing a piece of yourself to people you know so its not exactly anonymous (even though it is) and on other sites (like redclouds if you're familiar) Im too freaked out that someone might recognize me.
maybe Im a big prude.
maybe Im weird cause I dont mind in my apt but the internet seems too intimate
but really, I think he'sweird

i should clarify that he thinks i'm sexy and wants to show me off and has never pressured me in any way, its just an ongoing conversation we have. who knows what'll come of it, maybe interesting stuff

also in that vein Ive been wondering if Id get more traffic if I posted naked pics (duh)
not that Im looking for traffic, but it would be a fun experiment