anaphalaxis

well I feel like shit. Was scheduled for a date on the evening I found out about my ex, Suffice it to say it didn't go well for that and other reasons.

I'm left thinking about how I would feel if my ex had died and whether it brings any perspective on my feelings for her. I spoke to her yesterday. She's fine. Some liver damage that should heal but nothing else serious. She'll be back in the country by next week in all likelyhood. I want to hold her close and feel that she's still there. I also want to not see her at all.

She told me she really missed me. I lied and said I missed her too. I haven't let myself miss her. Whenever I achieve distance something happens to pull me back in again...

Thanks to everyone for support etc. You people are all wonderful