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anais

Charlotte

SG Since 2002

Followers 1793 Following 550

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Friday Oct 17, 2003

Oct 16, 2003
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I am too impulsive, too easily swayed by temporary escapes and moments of feeling numb. I feel as though my desires to shut off my mind intoxicate me for weeks at a time. Time goes by quickly and all feels blurry and full of decisions that keep me wondering how I could have been technically sober to make. I believe the part of me that is running around in my mind, pulling me in circles takes me over sometimes and keeps me seperated from clarity and control. There is always the same end result, depression, guilt, anger, confusion, wasted days and money not well spent. I'm tired of this, tired of losing myself, tired of my mood swings, fear, tired of how I feel no matter what state I am in. I feel kidnapped and am trying to keep my rational side in charge, but even my rational side is a bit off. Time to go back to bed but first I need to figure out how to get permission for a moment of peace in my mind. It's to quiet in here, these are the moments that are loudest for me and I don't want to hear any of it....
*Anais
letigre:
sounds like you need a vacation.
Oct 17, 2003
escapegoat:
you and me both
but im shut down
i dont get emotional attatched to my fucked up'ed'ness
but then,
its always there

one day, ill cleanse
detox and wash my soul

till then, im going
straight to fucking hell
Oct 17, 2003

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