anais

I am too impulsive, too easily swayed by temporary escapes and moments of feeling numb. I feel as though my desires to shut off my mind intoxicate me for weeks at a time. Time goes by quickly and all feels blurry and full of decisions that keep me wondering how I could have been technically sober to make. I believe the part of me that is running around in my mind, pulling me in circles takes me over sometimes and keeps me seperated from clarity and control. There is always the same end result, depression, guilt, anger, confusion, wasted days and money not well spent. I'm tired of this, tired of losing myself, tired of my mood swings, fear, tired of how I feel no matter what state I am in. I feel kidnapped and am trying to keep my rational side in charge, but even my rational side is a bit off. Time to go back to bed but first I need to figure out how to get permission for a moment of peace in my mind. It's to quiet in here, these are the moments that are loudest for me and I don't want to hear any of it....
*Anais